Hello Again
by Lynnth2014
Summary: Set sometime in season six. Spencer and Caleb have been in a relationship for a few weeks now but have grown apart. A devastating change causes Spencer to rethink her entire life plans, and she'll soon find out it isn't just her out there in this cold, calculating world.
1. The First ChApter

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

_**This is a no hate story. I do ship a lot of minority ships in the Pretty Little Lairs Universe, so if you don't like Spaleb or Paily or Hanna x Jordan, you likely won't like this story. Please do not hate on this. It's a story for me by me. I just thought I'd share for any Spaleb shippers still out there. It should be noted I haven't watched the full show in years, and I was in and out watching it, because let's be real, it could be ridiculous. **_

* * *

Trembling. That was an interesting word and action, yet there she was trembling. Quaking. Nauseated. All of the above. She would be laughing if it weren't such a serious matter. If it weren't her matter. Happy laughter, in fact. She had the expression plastered in her mind, how she would stand, how she would clap, how she would eagerly jump in for a hug—all of it. It was to be a hugely beautiful and life-affirming moment, but it wasn't meant for her. It wasn't meant to be her moment. It wasn't meant to be like this. Please, no.

Spencer Hastings lowered a trembling hand and sputtered out a shaky sob, looking at the silver stick in her hand as the positive result stared back at her. She snuffled and quivered, setting the stick down beside her on the edge of the tub before sinking back into it, pulling her legs up and ignoring how her toes uncomfortably bent in her boots. She sat there and sobbed.

This wasn't the life she had planned. She wanted to become so much more than a single mother at twenty-five. She wanted to become someone. She wanted to explore life and—and the world. She wanted—Fuck. Her entire life was going to become piss and shit and crying and diapers, and she had no idea how to handle that. She wasn't equipped to handle this. She was a logical mind with very little maternal instinct. She couldn't do this. She could not fucking do this.

* * *

Hours passed as she sat there, the tears had come and gone, and her face was sticky and stained in their wake. She once more held the stick in her hand and twirled it around and around in her fingers, looking downward at the test with her head rested on her shoulder. She heard commotion downstairs and was numb to it. She was numb to the entire world, and should it decide to come and prick her, she would feel nothing, only see the blood.

"Spencer?" This voice belonged to her mother, Veronica, and there was another pause before her voice came once more, closer. "Spencer, are you up there?"

She moaned softly and looked over at the doorway, waiting for her mother at the sound of heels. She heard the door creak open and in flooded her mother's words, finally breaching the bubble Spencer had spent the last four or more hours building.

"…saw your car out front and were wondering what you were doing here." Veronica's eyes landed on the little blue box resting on the counter then flitted over to her daughter curled up in a ball in the tub, her appearance pallor and sickly. The little silver stick tumbling loudly against the marble tub, and Veronica gulped. "Oh, baby."

"Mom…." The tears Spencer thought had gone away for good came roaring back, she crawled up onto her knees and into her mom's arms, collapsing onto the rug just outside the tub. She buried her face in her shoulder and bawled, nails digging into her soft blazer, and the scent of lilies sweeping across her nose.

"Shh, shhh." Veronica rubbed her back and held her little girl close, knowing without asking what the blatant results were, and she hoped Peter stayed downstairs to put the groceries away. This was a mother-daughter moment, and it didn't involve anyone else just yet. Clearly Spencer was fragile to the news, and this wasn't a time for crowding. She would handle this. She could handle this. She'd gotten this news before. Only it was happy news to her. Sort of still was, if it went the way she couldn't help but hope it did. "I'm here. It's all right."

"No." Spencer broke away and sputtered. "Mom, this is so not okay." Her voice was hoarse and deep, unfamiliar to her, and she whimpered. "It's not all right."

"Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. C'mere." She helped her up onto her feet and grabbed a face towel from its resting place turned on the hot water, rinsing warm water over the rag and facing her daughter. "C'mere."

Spencer closed her eyes, fresh tears falling, and the warm cloth touched her face, washing off her tear streaks and rubbing it all clean. She smiled at the scent of their detergent and its warm crossing her face in its hunt for stains. She felt calmer now, but chaos lurked just beneath. There was little she could do to stop what was happening, and she knew that. She knew all of her options, but most of all, she knew she was on a timer. Just like old times, eh?

"There. All clean." Veronica folded the towel and set it on the sink, picking up the Clear Blue package. "Good choice."

"Thanks, Mom." It came out bitter and sarcastic, and her eyes opened to see her picking up the test. "Mom, don't. I peed on that."

"Yes, I know how it works." She read the results. "It assumes you're over two weeks. How long do you say?"

"Mom." Spencer griped. "Can we not do this? Please?"

"Then should I wait until the baby gets here and then do it?" she challenged with an arched brow, and Spencer scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest defensively but it was an open to conversation gesture—albeit unwillingly. "Good. Now, how far along are you? When was your fertile period?"

"Oh, God, Mom!" Spencer rolled her eyes. "Really? That's how you want to ask me? My fertile period? What am I, a baby machine?"

"Well, you're certainly shooting high, if you were."

"I'm nine weeks late," Spencer replied.

"Jesus Christ, Spencer, nine weeks and you just now noticed something was wrong?" She tossed the test into the package and set it back on the sink.

"I've been busy," Spencer retorted. "With work from your firm! I've been overworked for weeks now, so it's really a miracle this baby didn't stress eject itself from me."

"You should have told me you were overworked. I would have done something about it."

"No, I like…. I like to have various projects to keep me busy." She tapped her foot on the floor and wet her lips. "I'm good at my job, and I love challenges."

"So this has nothing to do with a certain wedding happening next month?" Veronica inquired, and Spencer looked away. "You haven't spoken to the girls since you and Caleb broke up. You've distanced yourself from the family. This is the first time I've seriously spoken to you outside of work in weeks, Spence. I am concerned about you. Even more so now."

"Well…." Was all she could find herself saying as she tried to excuse or at least defend her actions over the last couple or more weeks. She sighed again. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Spence. I want you to be here. I want you to be actively involved in your own life. I mean, I thought you had it all together when you and Toby when out for dinner last week, but…that was just a ruse, wasn't it?"

"Toby is…familiar and pleasant to be around," Spencer remarked. "I like Toby."

"You make him sound like an old pair of shoes."

"What? N—no, no. Of course not." She shook her head. "You're so wrong."

"Am I? You sound defensive."

"Because _I am defending_ my relationship with Toby." She raised her hand to halt the conversation. "And this isn't about Toby. This is about the pregnancy test I just took."

"You took a pregnancy test?" Peter echoed from the hall.

Spencer's eyes widened and inwardly she cursed. "Dad…."

They took the conversation downstairs, Peter and Veronica sat down on the couch while Spencer sat staring hard at the damned pregnancy test box someone had dragged down here with them, and Veronica filled Peter in on the conversation thus far. Spencer crossed her legs and placed her arms around her stomach as she drew air into her lungs at its full capacity. She exhaled it and prepared for this conversation.

"You're nine weeks pregnant?" Peter tried to keep cool about this, but this was his baby. This was his little girl, his smart and sensible little girl. It made no sense. She wasn't the type to not use protection, and honestly, he didn't want to consider how she ended up in this situation.

"I dunno." She shrugged a shoulder. "I think. I'm about nine weeks late."

"You don't know." He nodded his head. "Well, I think it's time you find out. I'll schedule an appointment with our doctor, and we'll get to the bottom of this."

Spencer laughed. For the first time since she received the notion of being pregnant, she laughed from the pit of her stomach and exhaled it deeply through her lips. She couldn't help but snicker and wheeze at his words. "Dad, we know what happened. There is no bottom to get down to. I had sex and got pregnant. I… screwed up."

"It wasn't just you," Veronica remarked. "It is a two-person job."

"Yeah, I know. I was one of them."

"And who was the other?" Peter demanded. "Who's the father?"

Spencer stopped smiling instantly, it shriveled up on the spot, and she rubbed her arms. "Nine plus weeks ago I was involved with Caleb."

"Oh, shit," Peter pronounced.

"Yes, welcome to my new dilemma." She heaved a sigh and shook her head. "I can't tell him."

"The hell you can't. It's his responsibility, too."

"Dad—"

"No, Spence, he is going to be involved with this. It's his baby, and he has a right to know."

"I don't even know if I'm having it or—or keeping it," Spence sputtered. "Let me try and get _my_ head on straight before I drag another one into this."

"Wait, wait, wait." Veronica set a hand on Peter's arm. "If you're keeping it?"

"I haven't decided on anything," Spencer stood up. "Don't force me to have this child. I need to know…what _I_ want. All right? Give me time, please."

"Well, please let me know if you plan to abort my grandchild," Peter spewed, rising to be at the same level as his daughter before stalking off.

"Dad!"

"Spencer, give him time. This is news to us all." Veronica rose and set a hand on her daughter's arm. "Why don't you go upstairs? I'll make you some tea."

"I—I need some air, actually, but um, thank you." She collected the Clear Blue test box and dropped it into the trash, collecting her coat and heading out for some nice, refreshing spring air.

Her boots hit the ground with lumbering thuds as she carried herself along, shaking her hands out to try and shake out the feeling this pregnancy was invoking. She couldn't handle this. She wanted to be strong and brave, as she had all her teenage years. She wanted to come out boxing, meeting this challenge head-on with no fears, but this wasn't some figure in the back of her life. This was a baby. This was a whole new life she was creating. A lovely little baby with little toes and little fingers and…

Abortion wasn't an option. She couldn't end a life simply because she made a mistake with a contraceptive. She couldn't do that. Melissa would never forgive her after Taylor, and honestly, Aria might have a problem with it, too. They hadn't spoken in weeks, but they had years and tears and trauma to bond them. They had such a history and connection, and she knew she could count on Aria. She wasn't sure how to break this news to her, but she'd have to give a try. Because like it or not, this baby was going to have life.

She couldn't speak yet on what kind of life—a life with her, a life with a couple who couldn't have one on their own. She didn't know. For the first time in the past five years, she had no clue what the future held. She had no clue what tomorrow had waiting for her. She wanted to pretend, for even a second, that it would all be all right. That she could go about her life normally, could go about her friendships and relationships as though nothing had changed.

However, that was wishful thinking. She was too old for that line of thinking. Hopeful thinking. It wasn't like she could tell her best friend she was pregnant by her fiancé, because of a short-lived lust that went nowhere. She couldn't tell Hanna. She couldn't tell Caleb. To tell Caleb would be to tell Hanna and vice versa. She couldn't bear it. She knew there was no way around it, because this wasn't just her child. It was Caleb's, too, and after the life he's had, he'd want to be involved in any decision she made. Hell, he might want to take the baby and raise it with Hanna. And she could go back to her own life. She could, if he wanted that.

A wave of nausea coursed through her stomach, she gagged and brought her hand up to her mouth, looking for a trashcan. She didn't have any such luck in this part of the neighborhood, and she settled for calming herself down. She inhaled deeply and rapidly to try and calm the bile rising up in her throat, churning her insides and twisting them up and up and up….

She retched into nearby bushes, gripping her knees for a moment before gathering her hair up off her shoulders. She coughed and gagged before heaving once more, and she groaned, closing her eyes to the sight of her lunch in chunks at her feet. She stepped back and looked around to ensure nobody saw this display and scurried out of there.

* * *

By the time she returned home, her stomach had settled and demanded food. Luckily Mom had cooked up a feast of her favorite foods, and Spencer laughed at the sight of it, covering her with her hand and almost giddily approaching the foods. She was starving, and it smelled amazing in here. She couldn't believe it. It was…probably a move for her to keep the child, but hey, who could turn down these eats?

"Oh, you're home." Veronica smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"I am starving." She hopped up onto a stool and helped herself to the nearest available food. "This looks wonderful. You didn't have to do this. I actually wish you hadn't because it feels like a trap."

"It's not a trap." She set her hands on the counter and leaned towards her daughter. "I want to speak to you seriously about this pregnancy."

"Mom, please, trust me when I say: I have no clue where I am with this pregnancy." She tapped the end of the fork against the counter and bit her bottom lip.

"Are you going to tell Caleb?"

"Eventually. I have no choice but to tell him. We made the…uh, it together, so he has the right." She met her mother's eyes. "Any advice?"

"You're asking me?"

"Well, I'd ask God, but clearly he made me a punchline, so."

She chuckled. "Well, Spence, I have no advice for you. I can only tell you from experience that having a child is…such a delicate and vital process. It changes every aspect of your life. You can't half ass this."

"So, it's a whole ass experience then?"

"Har har. Don't make jokes when it keeps you up until the early hours of the morning."

"See, I don't know if I'll keep it," Spencer reminded her. "I might put the thing up for adoption. Call it a day. There are so many families out there trying to have babies and just can't. I could make someone's life…incredible."

"Could you really do that, Spence?" Veronica searched her eyes. "Raise this child for nine months, feel him or her grow and kick and hiccup and…just give him or her up?"

She swallowed with difficulty and lowered her eyes. "I don't think I can be a mom right now."

"All right, that's fair, but that "thing" is your baby, and they need you to decide what you want," she commented. "Your situation in three months will be completely different, so don't decide with haste. Decide with your heart and your gut and know we'll support whatever decision you come to."

"All right. Thank you, Mom." She twisted the fork on the plate and smiled. "I appreciate that."

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."


	2. The SeconD ChApter

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Spencer turned over in the mirror, looking over her outfit and adjusting the belt on her waist before turning back. She sighed softly, removing the belt and setting her hand on her stomach. She could almost feel a bump, or could imagine one. Her fingers twitched, and she removed her hand before collecting her purse and moving to head out the door.

"Hey."

Spencer stopped cold at the sound of her sister's voice from behind her, raising her hand and swiping hair behind her ear before she straightened up and faced her. "Hey."

"Don't "hey" me, preggo." Melissa smirked at her.

Spencer groaned. "Who blabbed?"

"Who do you think?" She entered the room with her hands on her hips. "Dad."

"Great." She tossed her purse down into the chair beside her and plopped down after it. "Well?"

"Hey, you'll get no slack from me. I've been there, done that, don't want it." She looked her over. "But seriously, how are you holding up? I mean, pregnant by your best friend's fiancé? That's gotta be rough…but true to Spencer form."

"Right, right. That's all there is to say about this whole situation." She folded her arms across her chest. "Spencer the whore finally got hers."

"Hey, Spence, nobody says that."

"You probably have thought it."

"Once or twice." She laughed lightly. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding! Lighten up. Jesus, this kid'll have a rough time if you don't."

"I don't know if I'll be a parent or not. I'm only twenty-five. I am not ready for this type of commitment. I couldn't even commit to Toby back in college when…." She cut off and shook her head. "Never mind."

"Oh, right, you had dinner with Toby last week, right? How is he gonna handle this news? Are you two back together or just friends?"

"Just…" she paused, "I don't know. Stop with the questioning. I can't take it right now. I have an appointment in thirty minutes about my…pregnancy, and I can't do this right now."

"All right." At the sight of her sister crumbling, Melissa closed the space between them and picked up her hand. "I'm here for you, all right? Whatever you need."

"Thank you." She stood up with her aid and embraced her. "Especially for coming all this way. It means a lot."

"Anything for my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister."

"So, my options are limited." She rubbed her back and released. "Come on. Let's go see this baby."

"You're coming with us?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss this for the world." She looped her arm through her little sister's and grabbed her purse, leading her out of her bedroom and into the new reality Spencer was adjusting to.

* * *

Spencer hated hospitals. She had been in so many so often in her young life it wasn't even funny. So, to be here now under these circumstances seemed like a punchline-less joke. Of course, where else would she find herself?

"All right, Ms. Hastings," Dr. Pen looked over the chart before looking over the patient, "how are we feeling today?"

"Honestly?" She nodded. "I've feel kinda bloated."

She laughed. "That doesn't go away, I'm afraid."

"I figured."

"Well, let's just have you sit back and relax."

She adjusted her feet in the stirrups and looked up at the ceiling, following through with the appointment and bracing herself when instructed, grabbing her mother's hand and trying not to shift uneasily. Veronica soothed her daughter, and Melissa's eyes were glued to the screen. There was a moment of silence before Dr. Pen began pointed a long, tanned finger to the screen and pointed out the baby on the screen. There was a little swirl on the screen, all white and black and blurry, and it was so, so tiny.

"That's your baby." She told the young mother, "These are its arms…legs. You can imagine those tiny toes, right?"

"Right." Her voice was whisper-thin, and she wasn't sure she felt anything at the sight of her baby on the screen.

"Yeah, it's amazing." Melissa rubbed her little sister's knee and smiled at her. "How does it feel?"

"Spence…." Veronica squeezed her hand. "It's okay."

"Huh?" Spencer didn't know what she meant until the tingle of wetness landed on her collarbone. She was crying, and she hadn't even realized. She was overcome with emotion, and she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She didn't expect it to become some real after this ultrasound. She thought it would remain the same. You know? The lack of attachment, the lack of affirmation, the lack of anything really, but it was the opposite. Quite the opposite. She was positively, downright happy, and she felt a twinge at her heartstrings. It was real, and it was beautiful and right in front of her. "Oh, my God."

"You're about ten weeks along," Dr. Pen informed her. "I'd day ten weeks and three days. The baby is a good size, healthy, likely strong as its mother."

"Yeah, we Hastings women are strong," Melissa whispered in Spencer's direction.

"Like Amazons." Veronica tucked hair behind Spencer's ear and smiled at her.

They finished up the appointment, Dr. Pen wrote out a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and they strolled out of the building. Spencer's eyes were glued to the sonogram she held in her hand, and she had managed to stop crying at the sight of it. Her mom rubbed her shoulder and encouraged her along, and Melissa teased her lightly about it.

"Hey, Spencer!"

Spencer froze at the mention of her name in the tone of one of her best friend's voices, and she instantly hide the sonogram behind her back, waving it slightly so Melissa would know to take it. She felt the picture leave her hands and being tucked into her back pocket; Melissa smacked her ass lightly to let her know it was safely hidden away.

"Emily, Aria, hey." She approached them with a huge smile. "How are you guys?"

"You're not seriously opening up the conversation with that after not speaking to us for almost two months, right?" Aria crossed her arms. "It's good to know you're alive, Spence."

"R—right. I'm sorry. I've been busy with work, and I… I haven't had time to socialize." She hated to lie to them, but she'd gotten so good at it over the years. "And you guys have probably been so busy with Hanna's wedding. I—I can't really be around all that just yet."

"That's understandable." Emily nudged Aria's ribs. "Right, Aria?"

"Right." She looked her over. "You look good. I'm glad. I was worried. We all were."

"I know."

"Why don't we go get some coffee?" Emily suggested. "Hmm? We can catch up. We have some time before we meet Hanna at the bridal shop."

"Coffee would be great."

"Tea," Melissa piped in. "She'll have tea."

Spencer had forgotten for a moment about the long list of foods and drinks she couldn't consume for the next thirty plus weeks. She smiled weakly and nodded. "Tea's good, too. Why don't we head there now?"

"I'll drive." Aria gestured to her car, and they headed over. Melissa reminded Spencer softly to not order caffeinated tea, and Aria eyed them as they had a hushed conversation. She didn't know what was up with Spencer, but she would get to the bottom of it. She had to, because she was her best friend, and if anything to do with A was happening, Aria wanted to know. She had a right to know. With Charlotte still with prison, it wasn't be totally surprising if another A popped up in her place and started harassing Spence. It didn't take much to weaken Spencer when she was already down.

At the coffee shop they placed their orders and found a table in their usual spot, Emily bought some cookies for them and smiled warmly at Spencer, asking her how she'd been while Aria lingered in line for their drinks. Spencer ensured the picture was tucked before she sat down, fingers loosely brushing over the surface, and she assured Emily she was all right, just overworked. It wasn't a total lie. She was overworked with the pregnancy and learning how to take care of herself in this new way. Herself and the life inside of her.

"Here." Aria handed over Spencer's drink and then Emily's before taking a seat with her own. "So, want to tell us why you've been avoiding us?"

"Aria," Emily softly chastised.

"What? I have a right to know what I did or didn't do to deserve this treatment from my best friend."

"It's not on you." Spencer spread her thumbs over the mouth of the coffee mug and blew gently on the green tea's surface. "It's me. I've been dealing with a lot since…Caleb and I broke up. You know me. I threw myself headfirst into work, and I haven't found my way out of the rabbit hole since."

"You could have talked to us," Emily reminded her. "You're our best friend. We're always here for you."

"Especially when it's complicated," Aria chimed in, leaning over and grasping her hand. "We are family, after everything we've gone through, you should know that. There's nothing you should have to hide from us."

"I know. It's just been…challenging lately." Tears prickled up in her eyes, and she pressed her lips together. "You can't imagine." She leaned over to set the coffee mug down on the table by the untouched cookies and helped herself to one, picking off a bite and munching on it.

"Talk to us. We have time."

"I don't know that I want to talk around Hanna's wedding schedule," Spencer admitted. "My mom and sister are here for me, and I need to lean on them more right now."

"What's going on?" Emily shifted to be closer to Spencer on the chaise.

"I need to talk to Hanna before I disclose anything to anybody else." She bit into the cookie and exhaled through her nose. "I trust you guys. I really do, but it's important that I tell Hanna first."

"All right." Emily nodded. "How's work going? You're at Hastings and Hastings?"

"Yeah." She nodded around her next bit of cookie, finishing it off. "It's been interesting. A lot of cases have passed my desk that spark memories I thought I'd forgotten about."

"Good ones?" Emily hoped, but she knew better. "Or at least not, you know, ones."

"Sadly, it's the latter." She laughed, though. "But it's good. I remember how we became so close, and I miss it. I miss you guys."

"We miss you, too, Spence." Aria rested her knuckles under her chin, using them as a prop. "Hanna misses you, too."

_She won't after we talk_, Spencer thought to herself. "She does?"

"Of course she does."

"Why don't you come with us to the bridal store?" Emily offered. "We can watch Han try on dresses and drink champagne. It'll be so much fun. We can even get you to try on the bride's maid dress Han picked out for you."

"She wants me as one of her bride's maids?" She couldn't help but smile. "After everything, I thought Hanna wouldn't want me anywhere near their wedding."

"She's moved on. She's had time to, and she considers you still one of her best friends."

"I'd love to go with you and see Hanna, but I don't think today is a good day. Especially with what I need to talk to her about." She scratched her nose and picked up her mug of tea, sipping on it.

"Can it wait? Can't we all just hang out and get buzz at two o' clock in the afternoon?" Aria mused, looking at Emily.

"Like best times," Emily added.

"I can't…." She paused and corrected herself. "I don't feel like drinking for starters, and I have business to tend to with Melissa."

"Since when are you and Melissa in business together?" Aria studied her then apologized. "It's none of my business."

"No, it's fine." Spencer smiled and made a decision that would offer her either total support or utter abandonment. "What I need to tell Hanna, why I've been avoiding you all…is because I'm ten weeks pregnant." She dug the sonogram out of her back pocket and showed it to Emily who sat beside her.

"Oh, my God, Spence." Emily accepted the sonogram and started to widely grin at the sight of the newest member of their group. "That is amazing."

"Yeah, amazing." Aria tried to smile but had done the math. "It's Caleb's, isn't it?"

She nodded silently.

Emily handed the sonogram over to Aria, who attempted a smile once more and managed, and Emily tried to be supportive, but this was a tricky situation. "How are you going to tell Hanna?"

"I have no clue where to even begin with telling Hanna." Spencer admitted, "Mom wants me to tell her soon. She's been pressuring me to tell her and Caleb both, because they both have a right to know. I just…pale at the thought of telling Hanna I'm carrying her soon-to-be husband's child."

"Yeah, that's a hard slice to swallow." Aria moistened her lips. "You're keeping the baby?"

"I don't know yet," she confessed. "Mom believes I will. Melissa and I haven't discussed it. And Dad refuses to acknowledge the pregnancy until I make a decision. He's trying to protect his heart or some shit."

Aria laughed. "What the hell does that mean?"

"He's stalling," Emily replied with a laugh.

"He has no clue how to react to his "little girl" getting pregnant," Spencer nodded. "He spoils me at breakfast, helps me with my work, and he's been overly solicitous. There's nothing he won't give me. Except for space."

"That sounds about right." Aria laughed. "When I thought I was pregnant, my parents wouldn't get off my back. I think it's a parent thing."

"Wait, when you thought you were pregnant?" Spencer frowned. "When was this?"

Emily lowered her eyes to the floor and turned her head away as if she could shield herself from the news yet again.

"It was a month ago. I was late, and I thought I was pregnant, but…I um, wasn't." She expelled a breath and made a confession of her own. "I won't ever be pregnant."

"What do you mean, you're barren?" Spencer felt a lump forming in her throat, and Aria nodded. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Because you weren't around, Spence! You were off in your own little world of work, and I couldn't penetrate the barrier! Believe me, I tried. I showed up at your office. I tried to intercept you at lunches, but you were just gone from the world, and I know why now. It's not okay simply because I know, but don't act like I didn't try and reach out. You were just gone." She set her phone vibrating in her pocket and didn't bother to check it. "We should go and meet Hanna. It's about that time."

"Aria, wait." Spencer caught her as she rose. "You can always talk to me. You know that. I'm sorry I was unreachable, but it won't happen again."

"I know it won't, but sometimes being in the moment is just as important as the conversations and events that follow." She offered only a weak smile and collected her to-go cup, heading for the exit before stopping to ask, "Do you need a ride home?"

Spencer shook her head. "I'll walk."

"Is that wise?" Emily swiped her cup and hopped up. "In your condition, I mean."

"I can exercise a bit, and I'll walk slow." She assured them, "I'll be fine. I could use some fresh air to think."

"Call me if you need me," Emily gripped her arm before following after Aria.

Spencer finished her tea and the cookies Emily had left, wandering out of the café and vaguely towards her home. She had ordered a ginger tea to go for her upset stomach and was letting it cool as she was crossed walkways and greeted familiar face, soaking in the sunlight and fresh air. It felt nice to be outside, the spring breeze tugging at her blouse, and she caught herself smiling in light of everything. She was happy. It felt so good to talk to her friends and more conversations would be happening. She would make sure of it.

"Spencer?"

She looked over at the familiar and warm smile, and she felt her stomach stir at the sight of him. A natural smile bloomed across her lips, and she hurried over to greet him with a hug. "Toby, hi."

"Hey, you." He patted her back and released her. "How are you? It's been a while."

"It has. How are you?" She ran her eyes over his handsome face and slipped her free hand into her back pocket.

"I'm well. I'm well." He chuckled lightly. "How about you? I haven't seen you since our dinner."

"I'm…great." She returned his laughter. "I'm going through some changes, but who isn't?"

"Right?" He nodded his head in agreement. "Why don't we have dinner again sometime? I'll even cook."

"Aw, that's so nice, but I can't. I'm busy with work and life. I don't know that I have time."

"For dinner?" He arched a brow at her. "C'mon, Spence, we both know that isn't true. Everyone has time for dinner."

"Don't back me into a corner, Toby. I said no, and I mean it. I'm going through a lot right now, and I need to be with my family. We can have dinner another night, and I'll cook. It just has to be on my terms."

"Always has to be that way, doesn't it?" He scoffed lightly.

"Thought you like that about me," she jested before removing her hand from her pocket and grasped his forearm. "You're an important person to me, Toby. You always will be. Don't forget that."

His smile returned. "So, just call me for dinner then."

"I will."

"Soon."

"No promises."

He chuckled once more. "Just take care of yourself, all right?"

"That I can promise."

"Want a ride home?" He motioned to his truck. "I know it's not far, but I could use some company."

She smiled. "Me, too. Let's go."

They talked the entire ride home, about nothing and everything, and it felt amazing. She laughed deeply from the pits of her stomach, the sound of his laughter calming her to her core, and she felt like a teenager again. Those rare happy moments with him. She loved them and him, but time had changed the circumstances between them. Their love was a first and faded love. It was friendly now and much needed, she supposed. She couldn't ask for a better relationship with him.

"Thanks for the ride, Toby." She hopped out of the truck and turned back to face him.

"Anytime."

* * *

Spencer braided her long, chestnut hair and let it rest over her shoulder, looking at her reflection in the mirror. At one time she would have painted her thin lips with lipstick, swept eyeshadow across the lids of her almond-shaped eyes and brought out her beauty, but today wasn't that kind of day. Today was going to be problematic. There was no avoiding it, and she wasn't one to avoid. She faced everything in life head-on, even when it wasn't good for her. Like this wasn't going to be good for her, but it had to be done.

She stood up and headed over to her closet to pull out an outfit, noticing, with a glance to her full-length mirror, there was a small bulge on her belly. She stopped reaching and set a hand on it, knowing she wouldn't really be showing this early, certainly not with this being her first pregnancy and all, but there it was. A little hint at the life she was growing. Ten weeks, four days.

She dressed and slipped her feet into boots, marching out the front door with her head held high and half a bagel in her mouth. She unlocked her car and finished eating before starting the ignition and driving over to the household of Ashley Marin. She'd gotten from Emily that they'd be over there preparing for some party or another. Spencer knew it wasn't the best timing, but there was no best timing for this news, so fuck it.

She parked and soothed her stomach, softly hushing the baby inside and slipping out of the car. She strolled up to the front door and prepared to knock when the door ripped open to reveal the beautiful round face of Hanna Marin.

"Spencer, you ass, get in here." She laughed and hugged her tightly. "You know how to make a girl wait."

"I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around her. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She tripped back intentionally and laughed with Spencer. "Get in here. Come and check out my dress. It's to die for. Obviously."

"Obviously." Spencer closed the door behind her and was escorted into the kitchen where a rack of dresses was on display—the wedding gown, the bride's maid dresses, and the flower girls' dresses—and a wedding planner was opened on the counter with Ashley behind it. "Hey."

"Hey back, stranger." She grinned widely at her daughter's best friend and tried not to look suspiciously at the slight weight increase she noticed, as well as that all-too-familiar morning glow on her cheeks. "I'll get you something to drink. Tea? Juice? Wine?"

"Oh, no thank you. I'm all right." Spencer pointed to the gowns. "Aren't you worried about someone ruining the dresses? Or a certain someone seeing it?"

"Oh, Caleb knows to stay away from the house," Hanna assured her. "And they'll be bagged in a few hours anyway and taken to the proper houses. I just wanted to see everything altogether."

"They're lovely." She chuckled under her breath and fingered the silken fabric. "I'm so happy for you, Han."

"Is that why you vanished from my life for the past eleven weeks?" Hanna had kept good track of time since the wedding was coming so soon, and she knew from the moment Spencer Hastings was out of her life to the moment she came back. She was well aware of Spencer's disappearance and even tried to contact her parents a couple times, but nothing came of it. They said she was busy with work or out to lunch. She even tried to get where for lunch, but nope. They were really private about Spencer's affairs. It was odd. Almost like Spencer had asked them to fend off her friends' questions odd. She hoped not, because here Spencer was, but who knew?

"I'm so sorry. I've been—"

"Busy," they said together, and Hanna nodded her head, turning to her mom. "Could you go get Spencer's dress from my closet? It's in the back."

"Of course, honey." She dismissed herself.

"Han, look, the reason I've been so distant is because of Caleb and mine's relationship. It caused—"

"Hey, hey, hey," Hanna cut her off. "Don't use that as an excuse. I'm okay with it. I mean, on some level it still bugs me, but that's to be expected. He was my first love and now he'll be my last, and I just… dunno. It is what it is, and we're getting married, and now I have one of my best friends back. There's no one around to correct my bad grammar and pronunciations, and I've had to do it all on my own. You owe me, Hastings."

She laughed. "Is that all I'm good for? Grammar corrections?"

"Sometimes." She grinned, that cute dimple shining through, and she chuckled. "I've missed you, Spence, more than you can know."

"I've missed you, too, but we need to discuss what happened between me and Caleb."

"No, we don't. It's all good."

"No, Hanna, it's not all good, if it were, I wouldn't pressing the issue. Now, please, sit down and listen to me."

"All right." Seeing this was serious, Hanna sat down on a stool and turned to face her, hands in her lap. "I am all ears. Better than being all toes? Could you imagine?" Spencer didn't laugh, so Hanna stopped chuckling. "All right. Go ahead."

"Hanna, know that I love you and am here for you no matter what, all right?"

Hanna's heart stopped cold and ice ran down her back. "You're still in love with him...aren't you?"

"I wish it were the simple."

"Simple? To be in love with your best friend's husband?" Hanna narrowed her eyes and swallowed around the lump in her throat. She knew it had to be worse—much worse—and it wasn't in love with. It was more. It was…. "Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you pregnant?" It came out in such a low, light tone Hanna didn't recognize as her own voice. She tried to keep calm and ignore the alarms going off inside of her, but she couldn't. She could barely stay seated. She wanted to rip off the stool and grab Spencer up and rattle her to demand her answer. She wanted to go back in time and stop herself from ever opening the front door. She wanted time to simply stop so she could catch her breath. "Are you pregnant…with Caleb's kid?"

She nodded. "I am."

"Oh, my God, Spencer."

"I know. It's…huge, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want this."

"Oh, yeah, right, you didn't want this."

"Excuse me?" Spencer's eyes burned with tears of anger, and she looked at her with narrow, glaring eyes.

"You always have to be on top. You can't just let everyone else shine. It has to be the Spencer Show, and nobody else."

"Are you kidding me? You—you seriously think I would let myself get pregnant this young simply because I want everything to be about me? What the hell, Hanna?!" She spat, "And even if that were true, I'd have to assume you two were getting back together and assume you'd get married and—"

"Okay, so maybe that's not it, but it's pretty funny you're telling me this just before my wedding!" She shot off the stool, and it clattered to the floor. "How far along are you? Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"I only just found a few days ago! I was preoccupied with my job, Hanna, with my life. I didn't want this to happen to me. I didn't want this to happen to Caleb. I just wanted to start over after the breakup. I just wanted to forget." Her voice broke. "I loved him, too!"

She shook her head. "God, Spencer, don't. Just don't."

"What? Be human? I'm sorry I can't do that for you. Or for anybody! And I shouldn't have to. You're my friend. You're supposed to have my back."

"Yeah, and you're not supposed to get pregnant by my husband!"

"Fiancé!"

"Whatever!" she shouted. "I can't believe this."

"Neither can I, Hanna. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"But it did happen, and it happened to you." She shook her head. "This's gonna ruin everything."

"No, it won't. Caleb loves you. He'll always love you."

"If he loved me so much, he wouldn't have gotten with you," Hanna informed her. "And that's not me being harsh. It's just the truth."

"Han…I'm really scared here. I need you."

"Well, I don't know how I feel about this, Spencer." She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "And I don't know how to tell Caleb about this." God, given how his past, he'll want to be involved. He wouldn't do this his child what his parents did to him. He was a good man, and he'd make an excellent father. She had only hoped it'd be to their children, not the lovechild he'd have with her best friend. They were meant to be married, and now it was all up in the air. God, if he chosen Spencer and their baby over her…she'd be devastated. If he chose Hanna and the baby, the baby would always come first and by extension Spencer. It was a horrible line of thought, really, and she knew that, but she couldn't stop it. "Fuck."

"Hanna, please—"

"I can't do this. I don't like this. I don't want anything to do with this." She trembled and headed out of the room. "Please, just leave."

"Hanna, wait." She jogged to catch up to her. "Please, I need your support right now."

"This is too much, Spencer. I can't. I just can't." She grabbed the doorknob, tears in her eyes as she did so, and she gestured out the door. "Go, please, now."

"Hanna." She was in tears now, too, and she felt isolated. "Talk to me."

"I can't even look at you right now." She averted her eyes and wiped at the tears that fell. "God, Spencer…."

Spencer bowed her head and slipped out the front. The way home was a blur, all of her emotions rushed in her ear, burning them and sending red coursing over her cheeks and neck. The tears were unstoppable, and Spencer herself was inconsolable. She spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, sobbing into her pillows at the loss she felt. Like some hand of fate had come and sniped away Hanna's string from her heart, and the rest was blurred.


	3. The ThirD ChApter

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Spencer woke up to the scent of perfume and tea, a bright smile caught her attention when her eyes opened and in focused Aria. She smiled at the sight of her beautiful, much-needed friend, and she crawled over to her through the blanket and embraced her. She buried her face in her shoulder and tried to forget anything else existed outside this bedroom. The world was a horrible place today.

"Hey, easy, it's all right." Aria stroked her hair. "I'm here."

"Thank you," she whispered and pulled back, snuffling.

"I know how it went with Hanna." She tucked hair behind her ear and sighed softly. "I'm so sorry. She's just…a wreck about this, and she doesn't want to talk about it, but I was hoping you would be open to talk. Maybe come downstairs and eat breakfast with me."

"I'm not hungry." Her voice was thick and raw, unfamiliar to her, and she swallowed.

"Well, eat for the baby then."

"Aria, I don't—"

"No, Spence, you need to eat. We made a huge breakfast with fresh foods for you, and we're not leaving until you shower, come downstairs and eat with us. We're here to spend the day with you, cheer you up." She rubbed her back soothingly. "I love you, Spence, so this is why I'm here. Why Emily's here. Why Toby's here. We have your back one hundred percent." And Hanna's, but Hanna was shutting the world out, so it was time for Spencer to get support.

"Toby?" She shot up. "Aria, did you tell him I'm pregnant?"

"What? No, of course not. We just called him, because we knew you would need support from your friends." She wiped away a tear from her cheek. Her peach and cream complexion now a sickly hue of white. "Come downstairs, please."

"Let me shower first. I've been crying all night."

"Thank you."

They departed from the room, Aria heading downstairs to tell the others Spencer would be down, and Spencer shuffling towards the bathroom to shower. She undressed and bathed herself while they prepared plates of crepes, fresh fruit and freshly made orange juice, and soon Spencer joined them, all snug in her oversized shirt and jeans, hair still damp from the shower.

"Hey," Toby greeted her with smile, and she nearly crumbled back into tears, "you look better." At the strange look on her face, he explained, "I checked in on you before Aria came."

"You were here first?" She sat down on a stool.

"No, I was." Emily handed her a plate. "I called Toby and Aria after I spoke to Hanna last night."

"What happened with Hanna?" Toby inquired. "I only heard bits and pieces."

"Well, you should know the truth." Spencer picked at the crepe in front of her and brown eyes lifted to blue. "I'm about eleven weeks pregnant, and it's Caleb's."

His brows shot up, and he had a different reaction on the backburner, but he would leave it there due to her low physical and likely mental state. "Oh! Um…congrats?"

"Please, don't." She dropped the fork. "I don't know how I feel about this."

"Happy, one should assume." Emily dug into the bowl of fruit in front of her with a smile. "Okay, so it's not idea, but it's a baby. The first baby born to our little group. That's still special, no matter how it came to be."

"I suppose."

"Eat, Spence." Aria poured herself a cup of coffee. "It's good for the baby. Here. Your mom gave me your prenatal vitamins."

"Thanks." She accepted the pill and downed it water. "Mmm, maybe I should consider the alternative."

"No way!" Emily blurted, thinking she meant an abortion. "Please, let's talk about this."

"Em, I mean adoption," Spencer clarified.

"Oh, well, good."

"Let's talk about this still." Toby leaned against the counter. "Do you really want strangers raising your child?"

"I don't know. I'd get to know them before I made the final choice on the family, and I'd like to think my gut instinct is strong, considering how I've honed it all these years." She couldn't stop eating once she'd taken the first bite, and she realized she was vital to the conversation, but damn these were good.

"Slow down, Spence. They're not going anywhere." Toby slid another crepe onto her plate, and she thanked him with a hand covering her mouth to keep from exposing the food there. "You are eating for two now, so you're both welcome."

It was a little creepy how accepting Toby was of this news, but it'd been years since they were together. He'd moved on. She'd moved on. They were able to be friends again, so she hoped he and Caleb were able to be friends as well. Even with this going on, she hoped they remained close, because losing Hanna as she had…felt like losing a limb. She wasn't sure she was going to survive this.

"Hey, don't cry." Emily walked around the counter and set her arm around Spencer's shoulders. "We're all here for you."

"I know, and I'm so grateful." She beamed at them, her truest friends, and her heart was so content in that moment. She wasn't sure anything could ruin her mood, but then came a knock on the door. "I'll get it."

"No, Spence, I'll get it." Aria sat her down and answered the door to find a steamed off Caleb Rivers standing there. "Caleb, what are you—?"

"Where is she?" he seethed, storming through the doorway to find the little party inside, eyes zeroing in on Spencer, his heart jumping at her pallor. "What did you do?"

"Excuse me?" Spencer swallowed the last bit of crepe and eyed her ex. "What did I do when? And what?"

"Hanna is in tears, and she hasn't stopped crying since you came over to see her yesterday, so what happened? What was so damn much that she won't stop crying?" he demanded.

"Caleb, why don't you sit down and calm down?" Toby suggested, moving to be standing in front of Spencer, a way of habit. "We can explain."

"Oh, we? It's we now?" He looked from Toby to Spencer. "All I want to do is talk to Spencer, alone, please."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Toby, I wasn't speaking to you. I was speaking to Spencer." His chest heaved in time with his racing heart, and he was worried it'd come shooting out of his chest. "Please."

"I think Toby's right; that isn't a good idea, but we do need to talk." Spencer slid off the stool and approached him. "Could we talk outside? Please?"

"As long as we talk." He nodded.

"Spence," Toby argued.

She set a hand on his arm. "I'll be okay."

Caleb was confused about why _she_ would need to be okay and followed her outside, a warm breeze blew by them, and he caught a whiff of her shampoo. It reminded him of old times, and his heart tightened. He could still remember her hair in his face, tickling his nose and cheek as she laid on top of him, laughing deeply and kissing him with those soft lips. He shook his head to clear it and faced Spencer, remembering why he was there.

"Caleb, hey." She smiled softly at him, her body calming at his presence as it always had here lately, and she knotted her fingers together in front of her.

"Spencer, hey," he mirrored with a chuckle, "we need to talk."

"We do." She stepped closer to him and met his eyes. "Do you remember the last time we were together? In a happy way, I mean."

"Yeah, of course. I'd gotten us breakfast in bed, and you complained about toast crumbs in the sheets." She laughed. "But we ate it anyway, and we got crumbs on the sheets."

"We…spent most of our day in that bed, too, if you recall."

"I do," he whispered, brows twitching for a moment. "Why are you bringing that up, Spence?"

"Because that day…our last good day…we made—"

"A lot of good memories," he gently cut her off, "but that's all they are—memories. We can't linger there. We have to move on. It wasn't…working in the long run."

"We don't know that."

"Well, I'm with Hanna, so it doesn't matter now."

"It does matter, Caleb, because I'm pregnant," she confessed.

Caleb's blood ran ice cold at her words, every function in his body paused and forgot how to resume, and he fell back against the house. He bent over and gripped his knees, shaking his head no. "We—we were careful."

"All it takes is one broken condom. Even with birth control, pregnancies can still occur." She had gone over the statistics thoroughly the night she'd found out.

"I'm gonna be sick." He cupped a hand to his lips and shuddered. "This can't be happening."

"You'd be surprised what could happen when you least expect it, especially around here."

"Tell me you're joking, because I could really use a punchline here, Spence."

"So could I when I took the pregnancy test, but here we are. Two suckers who need a punchline and only have a baby in thirty odd weeks."

He lifted his head. "You're serious."

"Of course. Who jokes about being pregnant? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"I—I didn't think you were lying, or joking, just…. I don't know. I hoped." He straightened up and exhaled deeply, his body resuming its normal functions. "How…um, how are you?"

"Better since my morning guests. Hanna wasn't the only one crying her eyes out last night."

"I'm sorry. I just… I don't even know. I have no fucking clue what to do here, Spence. I'm sorry."

"I don't want anything from you. I haven't even decided if I will keep the baby or not. I might lean towards adoption."

"Oh, yeah?" He rubbed his chest. "I'm sorry. I have a bubble right here. I think it's stress."

"Are you all right?" She reached out and set her hand over his. "Does it hurt?"

"No, it's just…tight." He chuckled softly. "Stress acts fast."

She smiled. "It does."

His thumb brushed over her fingers, and she shivered at the touch. "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, but I hope we can talk it out. Just you and me."

"Yeah," he nodded his head. "Why don't talk at dinner? Tomorrow night? Let me help Hanna tonight, and we can talk tomorrow."

"I'd like that." She lowered her hand from his chest and smiled. "Just text me when and where."

"All right. I should get back to Hanna, but I'll see you tomorrow night."

"All right."

Spencer rejoined the girls and Toby in the kitchen, telling them their plans, and she would assure them she and Caleb would come up with a solution on how to handle this delicate situation. They returned to cheering Spencer up and giving her support and care. They even watched some movies and popcorn, helped Spencer through her morning sickness, and they ordered some takeout that Toby would swing by and pick up. It was just a day of self-care, and it felt great. She laughed and ate and felt joyful. It was such a good and much-needed day. When they left, Spencer didn't feel so isolated, and she lied down with that comfort and slept easy.

* * *

The next evening Spencer got dolled up for her dinner with Caleb, finally in a good mood since she discovered she was a plus two all on her own, and she checked the time on her watch to ensure she wasn't running behind. She wasn't going to be late. She wasn't the type to be late.

"Don't you look beautiful," this from Melissa who stood in the hallway.

"It's a nice restaurant." She smoothed out a wrinkle in her dress. "I don't want to look like a slob."

"Right and dipping into someone else's shopping cart is unusual behavior for you."

"Melissa, can you not?" She huffed. "I just want a nice, normal evening."

"To talk about the bastard child you conceived with a soon-to-be married man?"

Spencer scrunched her nose at her sister and glared. "Why are you here? I thought you were going to be supportive."

"Oh, I am. I just want you to be realistic. You still have feelings for Caleb."

"No, I don't. He's moved on; so have I." She collected her purse and slipped by her sister. "I'll see you tonight."

"Actually, you won't." She caught up to Spencer on the stairs. "I'm heading out of town for a bit, down to that little gated community down the way. It's new, and I have a couple friends throwing a party up there. It'll be nice to socialize."

"About a topic other than babies and baby things, you mean."

"Yes, Spencer, I long for a conversation about something other than a breast pumps and adoption."

"I'd say you were being sarcastic were you not so against adoption."

"That baby is a Hastings, and a Hastings it should stay."

Spencer padded down the stairs and avoided the conversation. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Caleb and I will decide tonight what to do."

"He won't want to give up his only child."

"Then he'll tell me so." She slipped into her coat and removed her curled hairs from it. "I'll see you when I see you."

"Be careful."

"It's just dinner."

"You know what I mean."

"Look I'll be safe tonight—both me and my heart."

"If you say so."

"I do say so, Melissa. Good night."

"Good night." She closed the door behind her and shook her head. "Idiot."

* * *

Spencer ordered some ginger tea for her stomach while she waited at the restaurant, crossing her legs and keeping an eye out for Caleb. She was nervous. She hadn't spoken to him one-on-one since before he and Hanna were engaged. She wanted this to be a long and serious conversation, with both sides giving opinions and ideas on how to handle this pregnancy and what to do after birth. She wanted him to feel important throughout the entire discussion, and she wanted him to know she did care what he thought. He was just as important to her as Hanna, perhaps even a little more since their encounter, and she wanted him to know it. She always wanted him to know how much she cared.

Thirty minutes passed, and Spencer worried where he might be. Hanna might have caused him trouble with coming out to meet Spencer alone. She hoped Hanna didn't grieve him too much, because it was just a friendly get-together to discuss the child and its future. Hanna had to support this meeting, if she wanted to know where Caleb stood in this. Whether he was going to be involved, send payments to help support the child, or simply back out entirely. It was crucial to know where he stood before this went on any longer.

After an hour and a half had passed, and Spencer went ahead and ordered since she was hungry and didn't want to waste the waitress's time. She sent another text to see where he was, but there was no response. They hadn't even been read according to her phone. It made her heart hurt to know he not only stood her up but had ignored her attempts to contact him. It was depressing, to be honest.

So, Spencer finished her meal, she paid and left a tip, thanking the waitress and excusing herself. She stood outside in the cool, spring air and decided then and there that Caleb had made his choice. He'd made the choice of being absent, and so be it. She would figure this out on her own. As she always preferred.

* * *

**Four Months Later**

Spencer bobbed up and down, following the same movements as the instructor, Perrie, in the video stream, and she tossed her head back to laugh as her partner in crime for the last three months made jokes and over-exaggerated moves. She requested a break for water and air, and she sat down on her bed, adjusting the sports bra she wore and the yoga pants. She was sweating and hot, and it was only late August. Jesus H. She needed some water and energy to carry on.

"Aww, don't stop," Aria joined her. "C'mon, Spence, shake that bump."

"Don't talk to the bump," Spence joked. "The bump is in control, and it demands mustard. I don't even know why."

"Well, I have water with fruit in it." She handed over the glass bottle and winked at her. "Sparia for the win."

"My thoughts exactly." She accepted the bottle and drank deeply.

"You know, you should name the baby Sparia if it's a girl."

"Yeah, right after Agamemnon if it's a boy."

She laughed. "It's not that bad."

"It's worse."

"I've heard worse from other clients," Perrie informed the women. "It's not bad."

"You're literally in Spain right now; you do not get to have an opinion on this, you abandoner." Spencer stretched her legs out in front of her and drank from the water bottle.

"I told you it was a work emergency. I'm sorry. We're still havin' a good time with it."

"I'm exhausted for today but thank you so much for making time for us."

"Anytime, sweetie. And find out the sex, so I know what to bring to your baby shower!" She ended the chat.

"Oh, God, the baby shower." Aria bit her bottom lip. "Em and I are totally on top of it, fyi."

"I'll bet." She wiped at her brow and stood up with the aid of her bed frame. "It's like a baseball under my skin."

"It's adorable." Aria stroked her bare belly. "Aunt Aria can't wait to meet you, little one."

"We talked about this, Aria." She slipped away. "I still haven't decided if I'm keeping the baby or not. I still have a career to build, a life to spend traveling, and a baby makes that difficult."

"You can travel once it's old enough to speak, which gives you time to establish your career, and you have help from me and Emily. You know this. We will be there for every fever, every tantrum, every late night. We will be your support system through this. You won't even notice the father isn't in the picture. This baby will be so loved. You'll be so loved. We'll make it work. We always do."

"You've thought this through, haven't you?"

"A million times, and we haven't even counted in your family."

"All those thoughts…just because you want me to keep the baby?"

"Yes, Spence. I love this kid, because it's part of you and I love you." She got in one last stroke and plopped down onto the bed. "Work that sexy bump."

"We are not doing this."

"We are _so_ doing this." She pulled her phone out to play their baby bump jam that made little Hastings go crazy when a knock on the door frame came. "Oh, damn."

"Hey, language," Veronica lightly scolded, "the baby can pick up on that."

"Mom, it's fine. I've said worse when I burn my tongue on dinner." Spencer grabbed her jacket and zipped it up. "What's up?"

"You have a visitor."

"Oh, I hope it's the pizza deliver man." She ordered her favorite go-to the last few nights, and she was so ready to dive into it after all the exercise.

"Just go to the front door, Spence."

She pursed her lips and headed to the front door, finding it wasn't the pizza delivery guy. She set a hand on her stomach at the sight of Hanna Marin. She hadn't spoken to her in months. She hadn't left the house much, expect for doctor's appointments, carefully planned out walks, and dinners with Aria and Emily, so she hadn't had the ill luck of running into Caleb or Hanna. That luck ran out. Figured today of all days, when her mood was at its highest high, and her former best friend showed up at her door. She felt a twinge of hope that maybe, just maybe Hanna wanted to make up, to be involved in her life again.

"What are you doing here?"

Her eyes were glued to Spencer's stomach. "Wow, you're…huge."

She forced an awkward laugh. "I'm twenty-seven weeks pregnant. What did you expect?"

"It's been that long." She lowered her eyes and spoke in a whisper. "You're looking great."

"Thank you. So are you." She could tell Hanna had lost weight. She could only hope it was to fit into her wedding dress, and it wasn't due to lack of proper care. She didn't want to see Hanna suffer the consequences of a broken condom. She didn't want to see Hanna hurting. She wanted her friend to thrive and be well.

"Thanks." She smiled at her. "Look, I came over here to apologize about my behavior. It's not you. It's me. I feel like I'm reliving my parents' marriage, only this happened beforehand."

"It's not the same, Han. We're not our parents." She lowered her hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to…." She pressed her lips together and hid the wedding invitation behind her back. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know…Caleb hasn't been in contact, and I just…was curious."

Spencer scoffed. "You're just curious? Out of the blue?"

"Well…yeah." It was stupid, a lame excuse, but it was all she could come up with.

"Hanna…if you're here for Caleb, if he's curious about his child then you can just leave." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not going to allow him into any decisions I make regarding this child. Do you understand?"

"Spencer, no, I—"

"After all this time, I thought maybe we could make an amends, but clearly you just want to spy on me for your cowardly fiancé. I'm done with it, Hanna. You live your life, and I'll live mine." She turned on her heel and walked away.

"Spencer, wait, just wait." She hurried to catch up to her. "I wanted to invite you to the wedding." She held out the invitation to her. "It's been pushed back and pushed back due to some personal issues, but we've settled on a date. I'd really like for you to come."

She stopped at the first step and looked over her shoulder. "No, thank you. I think it's best if we keep our relationship as it is now."

"Spence, please."

"No, Hanna, now I asked you to leave, so please—" her voice broke, and she turned away before she started to cry. "I can't do this, Hanna. I can't be a human embodiment of shame you're carrying on your back. That's not a friendship, and I just…am going through so much right now. I can't afford to hide in dark corners for you."

"I'm not asking you to hide, Spence."

"Not in those words, but in those actions, you are." She turned back to face her, not caring if she saw her crying, and she chuckled bitterly. "You didn't even tell me about the wedding invitation until I asked you to leave. You came here to invite me but backed out when you saw how pregnant I am. Like it suddenly became real for you—"

"It's been real for me since you told me you were carrying Caleb's child," Hanna interrupted. "I've lived with it for twenty-seven weeks, give or take, and now I'm trying to make your damned amends, and you won't accept it. Why not? We were friends once, Spencer. We told each other everything. What changed?"

"We both have changed, Hanna, and maybe growing apart…is the best resolution we can hope for."

Hanna lowered her hand and scoffed. "You want to have it that way then fine. We're done."

"Goodbye, Hanna." She padded up the stairs to get away.


	4. The Fourth ChApter

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Toby aided Emily in carrying in the bags of drinks and party favors, Aria carried in a diaper cake taller than herself, and Veronica was going over the guest list and checklist while Melissa adjusted the balloons. They had all been working together to set up the most amazing baby shower for Spencer. She hadn't decided if she was keeping the baby or not, but at this point, there was hardly any going back. It was only a matter of time before she confided in them that she wanted to keep the baby. It didn't take this long to decide, certainly not for Spencer.

"When do the rest of the guests arrive?" Toby inquired, lining up the gift bags on the counter for the thirty-plus people who would be there. He had a feeling most of them were work friends, and he planned to stick around for the gender reveal. He was curious if it was a girl or a boy.

"Around three." Veronica spotted the flowers and marked it off the list. "Peter took Spencer to her appointment, and they'll be back around that time."

He nodded and looked over at Emily. "I hope she's in the mood for this today."

"Yeah, me too." She kept her voice low. "She's been in a bad mood since Hanna came to see her, and that four, five weeks ago."

"She's not one to let go," he reminded her.

"Yeah." She gestured to a bagged gift on the table. "Hanna sent that over. I told her I'd pretend it's from us, so just a head's up."

"Thanks. I'd hate to be the one to spill the beans on that." He balled up the empty bags and checked the time. They had about an hour until the guests arrived. "I'm gonna wait in the house for them."

"All right," Emily teased, "Uncle Toby."

He laughed. "What?"

"You heard me." She leaned against the counter with a smile on her lips. "If anyone loves that baby more than Aria and Melissa and Mrs. Hastings, it's gotta be you."

"That's not true. We…all equally love the baby." He tucked his hands into his pockets. "I'm just…glad to be a part of this."

"Uh-huh."

"Look, you're gonna make it awkward. I'm going up to the house. Goodbye, Emily." He smirked at her and walked out the door.

Emily snickered and returned to decorating the barn. Aria headed up to the house to chill with Toby, and Veronica cracked the whip down on the decoration and hors d'oeuvres since it was nearing that special time, and Emily slipped out to hang out with Aria and Toby as more and more guests arrived. It was lucky, too, because Spencer and Peter arrived at that exact moment.

"All right." Spencer set her phone and purse on the counter. "Let's get this over with. I am exhausted. I feel like I'm carrying a watermelon, and I have to pee for about the fourth time in two hours."

"That's an exaggeration, right?" Aria's brow furrowed in worry.

"Probably not." She put her hands on her hips. "Is it almost over yet?"

"You are in such a bad mood." Emily stood up and looped her arm through Spencer's. "Smile, Spence."

"I'm about to be swarmed by thirty of my mom's work friends," Spencer informed them. "You try smiling."

"Fair point."

"Let's go before Melissa finds us and drags us by our ears into the barn," Toby said.

"Forward, march." Aria smirked.

They all crowded into the barn for Spencer's baby shower, and it was a lot more pleasant than Spencer could have imagined. No one rubbed her belly without asking first, no one pressed about the father, and she had first dibs on all the foods. Al the foods. She was thrilled about that one fact, because it was almost all her favorites, only smaller. Little, tiny teasers. She would have downed an entire tray if her mom hadn't pull her away for conversation or if someone didn't ask her for a photo. Or she was raised with no manners.

Anyway, once the festivities died down but before presents were opened and the gender revealed, Spencer slipped away for some fresh air and found Toby had snuck away, too. She smiled at the sight of him and joined him, sitting down on the bench and exhaling.

"I thought you might want an escape." He peeked over at her, and she laughed. "So, how much do you hate it?"

"I don't hate it. It's actually been unexpectedly fun."

"I'm glad. We worked hard for this." He searched her face. "Hard for you."

"I know, and I appreciate all the work you all have done for me. I apologize for my bad mood. I just…didn't picture my life like this." She set a hand on her belly. "After our scare, I thought I'd be smarter." This she whispered, and it was full of shame and self-deprecation. Vulnerability in its rawest form splattered across her features.

"Spence…."

"No, Toby, I'm being serious. I didn't want a child in college, and I don't want one now," she confessed. "I can't take care of myself, let alone another vulnerable human being. I can't."

"Spence, you can do anything. I mean that—anything. You're the move driven person I have ever met, and you're a force of nature when it comes down to it. You can do this and do it remarkably well. You need to give yourself more credit and less stress. It's not good for you or the baby."

"Toby, you only believe in me, because you used to be in love with me. I'm not the same person. I'm not even a good person." She wiped at her eye. "How can I do this?"

"You are a good person. You're judging yourself too harshly. Just because Caleb didn't stay, doesn't meant the next won't. Or that he won't come around. I mean, you can't let one bad night cloud your entire life, Spence. You're resilient, and I do believe in you. Not because of what we once were, but because of who I've seen you become." He searched her face and smiled, taking a hold of her hand. "You are amazing, a wonder woman, and I know you can do this. You just need to have faith."

"I turned out a competitive, pill-abusing smartass with two parents; what the hell am I going to do being just one?"

"Raise one competitive, drug-avoiding smartass who loves their mother."

She smiled at him through her tears. "I love you, Toby."

"I know." He grinned at her. "I have something for you."

"What could you possibly have for me?"

"These." He reached beside him and placed a bag on her lap. "Here."

She looked and the white and multi-colored polka dotted bag, inhaling before reaching inside and pulling out a weird cloth, possible straight jacket for a baby. "What the hell is this?"

"It's a swaddle blanket. I uh, Googled best gifts for new mothers, and this list came up, so I went with this."

"This looks like a straight jacket." She laughed.

"It might be depending on your mood."

"Hey." She smacked him lightly.

"Look, I know things seem bleak, but you can do this. We all know you can. Why the else would we have thrown you a baby shower if you weren't going to keep it?"

"I thought I could donate the gifts to the new parents." She heaved a sigh. "I'm in. Aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are, but here's the good news: so am I. For the long haul, Spence." He squeezed her hand. "Anything you need."

"Anything?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Yeah."

"Thank you." She squeezed his hand back. "I really appreciate that—and you."

"Spencer!" Melissa called out in the yard. "Spencer, get back in here. It's time to cut the cake! Spencer Jill Hastings!"

"Wow, middle name," Toby snickered. "We better go."

"Yeah, help me up?"

"Here, lean on me."

They stood up and strolled back into the party, and Spencer took his words to heart. If anyone could get through to her right now, it was him. She didn't know why, but somehow in this mess, Aria and Emily's words fell on deaf ears, because they were friends. They were meant to be supportive by default, but Toby had no such commitments to her. He had no reason to be so supportive, beyond from the kindness of his soul and his loyal heart, as she was pregnant from his best friend. He was the best person to support her right now, and she was grateful for it. For him and her friends.

As for the gender reveal, Melissa had laid out a couple trash bags for an easy clean up while Toby placed a box in at the top of them. Aria offered to help Spencer pop the balloons, and on a group count of three, they both thrust a needle into the massively blown up black balloon, and out burst an equally massive amount of blue confetti and smaller blue balloons. Aria tossed her needle into the box and embraced Spencer happily, congratulating her, and Spencer could only stare. It'd became so real to her in that moment, knowing she was having a little boy, and maybe Toby was right. Of course Toby was right.

Once the shower was over, Spencer sat staring at the outfits laid out before her. They were so small and so soft. She couldn't believe a life she'd made would fit into them. It was bizarre and astounding, and she was taken away by it. She felt a stir of emotion inside of her, and she began to understand what her mother had said to her. Her situation was different now, and maybe it was better. And even if it wasn't better, she would make it better for her son.

* * *

It'd taken eight hours. Eight hours, forty-two minutes, thirty-nine seconds on a Thursday afternoon in the middle of October. It'd taken her mother and sister holding her hands and legs. It'd taken screams and powerful pushes and sweat and tears. It'd taken all of her energy and strength, but it was so worth it. Beyond worth it.

Spencer Hastings sat with her beautiful baby boy upraised on a pillow on her knees, looking him over as he was the most gorgeous person she had ever beheld. He was truly prefect, lying there and gripping her index finger with all of his tiny fingers. She kissed those fingers over and over, laughing softly as to not startle him, and he looked back at her with the same eyes as his father—beautiful, brown, rounded, soulful eyes. She couldn't drink them in enough, her eyes taking in their shared peach and cream complexion and wavy chestnut locks, and the way his tiny nose and his mouth resembled Caleb's.

She dipped her finger into the clef in his chin and chuckled through her tears, grinning at the beautiful baby boy she'd made. He was the love of her life, truly. He was someone she loved inordinately, and it was downright sickening. Goodness, to love another creature this much felt like the sweetest torture.

There was a knock on the door, Spencer looked over to see Toby, Emily, Aria and Allison, and she nodded for them to come in. They circled around her and her son, and oh-so carefully they passed him around to each member of their circle for assigned cuddles and pictures and forehead kisses until he returned to his mother, and Spencer felt the glaring absence from Hanna. She didn't let it show, but some of her tears were for the missing members of their usual five-some. Maybe one day they'd be able to get back what they had.

"He's perfect, Spencer." Aria snuffled and laughed. "He's so tiny."

"I know. Look at these fingers." She lifted her index finger to show them off as his fingers once more curled around her index finger. "These little nails."

Allison snickered. "He looks just like you, Spence. Good job."

"Hastings genes for the win, eh?" Toby mused, and she smiled at him. "He's beautiful and, yes, so tiny, but does he have a name yet?"

"Yes, he has a name." She wet her lips and announced, "This is Benjamin Luther Hastings-Rivers."

"Rivers?" Emily questioned. "You sure?"

She nodded. "I'm positive."

"Little Benji." Allison cooed, leaning over to stroke his baby fine hairs. "Welcome to the club, little one."

He fussed only slightly at the contact, but at Spencer's shushing, he calmed and opened his eyes once more to gaze at his mom.

"You're a natural." Emily sat down by her feet. "See? Nothin' to worry about."

"Oh, my God, Emily, I am so worried about everything it isn't even funny," Spencer commented with a weary laugh, and they chuckled at her tone. "Seriously, guys, don't laugh."

"We're here for you." Toby knelt beside the bed and gazed at the baby in her arms. "Hey, Benji, it's Toby. I am glad to finally meet you."

"We all are." Aria chipped in, "And we all love you so much."

"Uncle Toby the most," Emily mused.

"Uncle Toby?" Spencer arched a brow. "God, that's what he'll call you."

"And Auntie Em, Auntie Ari, Auntie Ali," Toby listed. "All the aunts and uncle a kid could need."

"Don't let Melissa hear that. She'll have you balls for sure," Allison commented, "for not including her."

Spencer chortled. "Sorry. That—wow, that was loud."

"It was just right." Toby smiled at her—at them—and looked over at the sound of shoes on tilted floor.

Veronica, Peter and Melissa entered the room for the third time since Benji had been born. Melissa pulled out her phone to take yet another photo, Veronica resisted the urge to squeeze in between Toby and Emily to hug her grandson, and Peter couldn't help but smile at the sight of his little girl with her little boy.

"Okay, on the count of three say Benji," Melissa advised the group as they squeezed in for a picture. "One. Two. Three."

"Benji!"

* * *

Spencer ran a hand through her hair to shake it out for any loose cereal pieces, looking over the case she'd taken from her mother's desk, and she quickly covered it with a photo album at the sound of a key turning in the front door. She looked over at her son who was snoozing away in his bassinet and then over to the door as her mother entered with a stack of mail.

"Hey, honey." Veronica smiled at her and sauntered over to her, handing out the mail. "Here, this is yours."

"Wow. How long have I been in here?" Spencer looked over the stack. "Jesus."

"Melissa was hording it." She looked over at her grandson and frowned at him being asleep. She wanted a quick lunch cuddle before she headed back to the office. "How's he doing?"

"Great." She spotted a thick envelope from a neighboring law firm and set the rest of the mail aside. "He must sleep like Caleb, because he doesn't sleep like me. He's out all night."

"That's good."

"Yeah." She opened the envelope and discovered it was from Blackbush and Hart. "Oh, my God," she whispered and read it over.

"What?" Veronica tore her eyes away from her grandson to her daughter. "Bad news?"

"Oh, my God!" She jumped off the stool and ran around the counter to show it to her mother. "Tell me it says this—actually says this."

Veronica took the letter from her daughter and read it aloud, frowning at the amazing but out of town opportunity for her daughter. "Wow, that's…generous."

"All for my work on the Walton case?" She shook her head. "How did they even know? I thought… I mean, wow." She cupped a hand to her mouth and laughed outright. "This is…incredible, Mom. I can't say no to this. I don't even want to."

"Hold on, Spencer." Veronica tossed the papers to the counter and caught her daughter's arm. "Are you sure about this? You have a newborn. Do you really want to uproot and move to a new town?"

"He's four months old, Mom." She folded her arms over her chest loosely. "I'm doing fine. I can handle being on my own with him."

"Spence, you have cereal in your hair."

She opened her mouth and shook her head before managing. "I was saving it for later, but since you've made it awkward." She blinded checked her hair for the piece of cereal until her mother came to her rescue and pulled it out.

She laughed at her daughter. "How did this even happen?"

"I wanted a snack while I fed him. I may have fallen asleep afterward." She cleared her throat. "But I can handle being a single parent. I can handle this new position. I want to try and tackle this all on my own, and if I fail then so be it. But what if I don't, Mom? What if I succeed? Hmm?"

"I know you will, but I'll miss you being out here in the barn. I'll miss our late-night talks. I'll miss seeing him first thing in the morning. And you, too, of course."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll support you whatever you decide."

"I want to try this," Spencer remarked. "I have to call them." She collected the front page and her cell phone to give them a call.

Veronica looked at her little girl who had grown up overnight, and she smiled proudly. She knew this was a necessary step in Spencer's life, and she would gladly support her in it. Who knew what kind of doors this would open for her? She could only hope they brought her back home one day.


	5. BlAckbush

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

It'd been three years since Spencer Hastings left the town of Rosewood, three years since she packed up her bedroom and all the items she'd been given at her baby shower and accepted the offer given to her by a sister law firm of Hastings and Hastings in the little town of Blackbush, PA. She had done good work while she was pregnant and caught the eye of one of their partners, and they extended her an offer she couldn't refuse. Moving from Rosewood was difficult, because it was her home. She'd made herself there, her friendships and family, but this was a key step in growing up. And she could easily go home again, so there was nothing to hold her back physically.

As for the mentally, the emotionally, she couldn't help but think of that brown-eyed boy who she'd loved, who had fathered her child, now and then. She saw him in apple trees near her house, in the fall breeze that both warmed and chilled her, in the same eyes he'd gifted to their baby boy. She missed him and his wife dearly, but life had made its choice, and Spencer hers. There was no going back, only forward, and who knew what the future held for her and Hanna, for her and Caleb. She might see them again and love them again and raise this child with them. She couldn't say for sure, but she could dream, she could hope. She could hold on. Just a little.

As for the town for Blackbush—really a peculiar name for such a lovely, green town—it was perfect. There was a coffee shop that knew her by name and always had her order ready in the mornings. There was a gym where Spencer had made friends and toned her body. There was a single mother's group Mom had convinced her to join, and she dragged Emily with her. And there was a park where she and Benjamin could walk and play and grow, with a pond full of fish, and large trees where they could sit, and she could read to him. It was a beautiful town with interesting cases that crossed over to other cities, which opened up her schedule for travel while Aunt Aria got to babysit her favorite nephew and Aunt Emily got to take him swimming at the local community center. It was lovely and quite necessary experience for Spencer. A good one. The best one. Well, almost the best.

Spencer strolled through the park, listening to her son tell her about the fun he'd had with his caretaker at the daycare center, and she couldn't stop smiling at the sight and sound of him babbling away. He was beautiful, standing beside her, completely perfect in every way.

"Mommy, look!" He raised a chunky little finger up to the sky. "Butterflies."

Spencer raised her eyes to the blue butterflies fluttering overhead and smiled. "Yes, those are butterflies. And they are beautiful."

"Beautiful." He nodded with a wide grin on his lips.

"C'mon, Benjamin. Mommy has to get to work, but Aunt Emily is right over there."

He gasped at the mention of Aunt Emily and searched the park for her until he saw her. "Auntie Em!" He took off like a shot for her.

Emily saw that floppy haired little boy all decked out his little teddy bear overalls after a morning at the daycare center, and she dropped down to scoop him up into her arms. "Ooh, hello, Benji."

"Auntie Em." He squeezed her just as tightly—or as well as he could at his age. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She set him down and ruffled his locks. "You got taller."

"I did! A whole two inches!" He held his arms up to show just how much that was for her, and she laughed warmly, kissing his cheeks. "What are we gonna do today?"

"Well, how about we go swimming? Then get some ice cream and go home and watch an old movie. How does that sound?"

"Yay! Sounds great!"

"What are you spoiling my son with today, Emily?" Spencer jested as she closed the space and embraced her dear friend. "How was your trip?"

"Long and uncomfortable, but I'm here now." She stepped back out of the hug. "How about you? How are you doing? You look…thinner. Not in the good way, Spence."

"I've had a couple of cases that have taken up my time, but it's fine. Really, it's fine. I've gained weight in muscles." She flexed her arm to show off the efforts of her midnight gym trips. "And he's gotten used to his caretaker."

"Some people call 'em babysitters, Spence." She grinned at her and laughed. "How is Alicia?"

"She's good. She's great with him and my schedule. She never calls in, never complains and make really good bread. You've gotta try some before you go home."

"She's been with you for…two years?" Spencer nodded. "When do I get to meet her?"

"Why would you need to?" She reached over and cupped her son's chin, smiling at him. "When you're here, Ben's with you. So why would I need her services?"

"That's true, but it's been two years. Aren't you friends enough to ask her out for lunch? I'd really like to meet the woman who's babysitting my godson."

"Oh, you're godson?" Spencer snickered. "I thought after last month with the ketchup bottle, he was Aria's godson."

"No," she muttered, "no, he's mine."

"Uh-huh." Spencer shook her head. "Alicia is a good worker, and I appreciate her, but she wants to keep our relationship professional. I know only the basics, even though my loving father sent me a complete and thorough background check of her. I haven't read it. She has no criminal record and excellent recommendations—we're talking glowing, Emily—and that's all I need to know. Besides if she'd been so terrible, Dad would have come down and beaten her off with a stick to protect his grandson."

Emily tried not to laugh at the image of Mr. Hastings chasing Alicia around the yard with a stick. He was getting up there in age, and she was a yoga instructor in her off hours, so plenty of endurance and flexibility, so it'd be funny as all hell. "That is true."

Her phone vibrated, signaling her of her meeting, and she huffed softly. "I have to go and get the donuts for the meeting, but call me with dinner plans, okay? I'll try and be available. I'll let you know."

"All right." She crouched down beside Benjamin and said, "Say goodbye to Mommy."

"Mommy, no." He threw himself at her legs and held on. "Don't go, please."

"Aww." Emily's heart broke. "Spence."

"Baby, I have to go." She pried him off and knelt to be at his height, cupping his chubby cheeks in her hands and stroking them with her thumbs. "Hey, we talked about this. You know Mommy has to work to provide for us. I know it stinks, and I'm sorry, but I will be home for dinner then I'm off for a couple days. The three of us will get ice cream and go swimming and have inordinate amounts of fun."

"Spence, he's three. I doubt he knows what inordinate means," Emily commented.

"It means excessive," he retorted rudely, unthinkingly. "I know what it means."

"Ooh, sassy today." She held her hands up. "I'll remember that when I'm buying ice cream later."

He dropped his eyes and frowned. "I'm sorry. I just want Mommy to stay."

"Benjamin, I will be there. Tonight and tomorrow and the next night and the next night. It'll be just the three of us. No Alicia. No broken promises." She squeezed his cheeks. "Okay?"

"You said that last time," he reminded her.

"And I made the mistake of not listening to you, but I am this time. Okay?" She searched his eyes and saw hope there, the very sight breaking her heart. She wanted to see happiness and excitement there, not basic hope in her keeping her word. She needed to do better. She wouldn't raise her son to be exactly like her, with the pressures her parents put on her and the space they left in her heart some days. "I swear."

He nodded, still pouting. "Okay."

She kissed the top of his head and shot a look to Emily, who nodded and assured her they'd have a good time, and she reluctantly walked away. Getting into her car and adjusting the rear view mirror, she started the ignition and headed to the local bakery. She had already placed an order there and simply had to pick it up. She was glad Gina had gotten her site to work, because it was a breeze for Spencer now—to buy coffee, to buy desserts for office meetings, to buy a birthday cake for her son—and there was no long wait, or people to bump into. It was exceptional.

She parked and jogged inside to collect her order, finding a hot coffee waiting beside it that brought an instant grin to her lips, and she looked for Gina to thank her. The bakery was more of a library than a bakery, with bookshelves lining the windows and a lounge area instead of normal seating. It was her favorite place to be. Namely why she had to join a gym, because she and Benjamin would come up here to read and relax on Saturdays when she didn't have to work. She'd gained twenty pounds when it was slow a few months back.

"Spencer Hastings." Gina stood at the top of the second floor with a cake display stand in her hands full of cupcakes, grinning down at her favorite customer. She was an older woman, in her forties, with red hair and a smile that warmed you down to your toes. She was all olive skin and legs, a little plain but her personality made up for that. She was lovely and thoughtful and one of Spencer's closest friends in this town. "Where's little man at?"

"With Emily." She tucked hair behind her ear and approached the stairs. "Thank you—for the coffee."

"No problem." She padded down the stairs and over to the counter to set the cake display stand down. "Want a cupcake? They're fresh and all naturally sweetened."

"Oh, no thanks. I have to get going." She looked over the many bright colors. "They look amazing."

"Taste even better," she tempted. "C'mon, be my test subject."

"How attractive, but I'll have to pass." She heard the bell ding and pointed behind her. "You have customers. I'm going to sweeten the coffee and be on my way. Thank you again."

"Anytime, Spence." She winked at her and greeted her customer. "Welcome to Gina's Bakery! How can I help you today?"

Spencer prepared her coffee and collected the pink box of goodies and strolled out towards her car, driving to her office and juggling everything to make it inside. She caught a lucky break at the front door and elevator door, pressing the fifth floor—the meeting floor—button and flicking hair out of her face. She was patient and definitely early, so she had no worries.

Stepping off the elevator, she moved for the conference room without thinking, her legs used to walking inside and sitting down in her black and white leather chair. She knew who would be there, and she greeted them with a winning smile and a few hellos. She noticed a few seats were empty and mainly her boss and its assistant were there. They were an overwhelming tag team, though it was odd for them to lead the meeting on her case. She didn't like the feeling sinking into her stomach.

"Hello, Spencer," Gabe greeted her. "Ooh, I know those donuts anywhere."

"They're from Gina's," she nodded. "Your favorite."

"You know me too well." He chuckled and helped himself to one. "Mmm. So good."

"What did you want to see me for today?" She moved hair out of her face and rested her hands in front of her. "I thought we were discussing the Trinidad case, but Walter and Myers would be here. They've only trusted me to research—"

"Hmm, right. Always with work on the mind." He set the half eat donut down on a napkin and wet his lips. "I love that about you, but that's also the problem here, Spence."

She gulped. "How do you mean, sir?"

"I've noticed since we snagged you from Hastings and Hastings… You've never taken a day off outside of your given days off, and even then, you mostly come in anyway."

"Yes, I wanted to show my appreciation for the offer I was given," she explained. "This position supplied me with a home, as well as ensured hours and income that blew my expectations and requests out of the water. It means a lot to me to be here."

"We know, and we're grateful to have you, Ms. Hastings." He rubbed his hands together and looked over at his assistant. "You have a son, correct? Little…Brian?"

"Benjamin," she politely corrected.

"Ah, right, that's the name. Benjamin!" He lightly tapped the side of his head and chuckled. "Now, I've seen his picture on your desk a million times. He's a cute kid. Looks just like you."

"Thank you, sir, but what does he have to do with this meeting?" She shifted her weight nervously back and forth, her heart pounding cold in her chest, and she worried she might have a panic attack if he didn't get to the bottom of this.

"We're a family company here at Blackbush and Hart, and we feel…you need to take some time off, relax and spend quality time with your son."

"Excuse me?"

"We're asking—Well, we're not asking. We're _placing_ you on a mandatory vacation for just one week. We've transferred your files to other agents on your floor, and while you'll still receive credit for you work, we want you to dismiss them from your mind. We want you to just…take a break." He nodded his head at his own wording. "It's a paid vacation, as you've earned it, and it's…pivotal to your career here that you take this leave with a smile."

"I don't understand. I'm doing well here, excelling at my tasks, and you're forcing me to take a seat?" She crossed her arms. "Why? What's the real reason?"

He sighed softly. "You are overworked, and I made the request for a week's vacation for you. It's approved, and I want you to take it."

"You—made a request for my vacation time?" she snapped. "For all you are aware, I've been accumulating it—which I have, for a trip with my son. It's _my_ vacation time to use or leave, and above all else, Gabriel, I'm an adult. I can decide when enough is enough. You don't speak for me."

"I apologize, but it's just one week."

She scoffed. "Well, it may be my last." She departed from the conference room and aimed straight for her car. She was infuriated. She felt like a child being punished for trying to do too much and doing that too much well. She felt she had simply stepped on someone's toes with her good work, and they didn't know how to reward her, so they were punishing her by allowing other to take her work up in her place.

And who were they to say she wasn't spending adequate time with her son. She was a good mother. It was her number one concern. She wasn't going to stand by and let some random corporate boss, who had never even met Benjamin, tell her she wasn't a good mother. Or that she wasn't spending her time with him when she was off. Or that she simply put her job above him. She wasn't going to take that, because it wasn't true. She put him and their future above all else, and she wasn't going to allow some asshole into her head and tell her those good intentions weren't sufficient.

She wished she had never stepped foot into the room with his damned donuts.

* * *

Emily and Benjamin were running around upstairs, playing alien and cowgirl, trotting around loudly and making whooshing and pew-pew noises as they went. Laughter filled the air as they played, Emily trying to capture the rowdy alien boy, who simply wanted to see Earth and its people for the first time, to collect the bounty on his head placed by the locals who didn't understand what they were seeing. An advanced playtime, but what else was expected from Spencer's kid?

"Pew pew!" Emily pointed her finger gun at him. "Stop right there!"

"Aah! You got me!" He clutched his heart. "My heart… Ugh, my heart…. No! Tell my people…I…. I…blarg." He collapsed onto the ground, groaning and moaning and grunting before he coughed a couple times and stilled, his tongue falling to the left of his mouth.

"Yes, now I can collect my bounty and be on my way." She pronounced the words with a thick, country accent and hauled him up and over her shoulder, carrying him back down the hall to the guest bedroom where she was staying and tossed him like a sack of potatoes onto the bed. "Where's my money, sheriff?"

Benjamin rolled off the bed and was about to reply when he heard keys landing in the glass dish Mommy and him had made. "Mommy's home!"

"So early?" Emily snapped out of that thought when Benjamin raced for the stairs. "Buddy, slow down." She caught him at the top and unlocked the baby gate, picking him up and carrying him downstairs quickly as he was impatient to see his mom. "Spence, hey."

"Hey." She tossed her purse onto the table and bent down to unfasten her heels. "You two look like you had fun. Alien and cowgirl?"

"Yep." Emily set the wriggling boy down. "I caught 'im good and fair."

She laughed and embraced her little boy tightly. "Did she get you?"

"Good 'n fair," he repeated the same way his Aunt Em had said it.

She chuckled again and kissed his hair. "Well, I'll beat her up. I'll beat up everyone who hurts you."

"No, Mommy, no. She won fair and square." He tugged on her blouse. "You can't beat her up."

"Tsk, all right, fine, your word is law then." She kissed his nose. "Let's make dinner. What sounds good?"

"Mac and cheese with chocolate milk!" he chittered. "Please, please, please!"

"How does that sound to you, Em?" Spencer glanced up at her. "Yay or nay?"

"I'm game. I'll boil the water." She removed her cowgirl vest and marched into the kitchen to begin preparing water.

Spencer and Benjamin joined her, Spencer climbed onto a stool while her son went to play in the living room while dinner was being made, and Emily pulled her hair up into a ponytail to keep it out of the food. She decided to make some chicken nuggets as a protein to the meal, Spencer assured her Benjamin would approve, and Benjamin ran around the living room at top speed.

"Slow down, baby." She turned to be part-way facing the kitchen and part-way facing the living room. It was all baby proofed, and he couldn't hurt himself, but it was still manners, and he needed to calm down. She hoped Emily didn't give him any sugar. "Benjamin."

"Okay." He threw his arms up and down and walked in a circle.

"I wonder if he knows he's going to get nowhere that way," Emily whispered.

"Shh, it's his imagination," Spencer hushed. "Let it grow."

"Aww, look at you being a mom." Emily teased, "How adorable."

"I am a mom, and I think I rock at it. Thank you very much." She crossed her legs and rested her chin on her knuckles. "Hmm. I miss Aria. We should plan an away trip, just the four of us."

"We always say we'll plan a trip and never do," Emily reminded her. "But yes. I know a cabin north of Rosewood with a lake. We'll catch some rays, swim in the water and cook out every day. Just us."

"That sounds like heaven. Could I have it now?"

"Sadly, no, but you can have chocolate milk in a wine glass." She presented the jug of chocolate milk like it was a bottle of wine. "Be all fancy with your milk."

She busted out laughing at her. "Oh, God, Em, stop." It was deep-bellied laughter, rocking her to her core and dusting out all the old spaces. She needed to laugh like this, but no one had been able to bring it out of her. Benjamin could always make her laugh, but she needed an adult laughter moment, and she'd gotten it. It'd taken the muck off this yucky day. Fuck, it felt so good to struggle to breathe due to laughter.

"Maybe you should lay off the chocolate milk for now." Emily placed the jug back in the fridge and began to stir the boiling noodle water. "You okay, Spence?"

"I'm perfect." She watched her little boy spin in circles and giggle. "Hmm…how's Hanna doing?"

"Spence," Emily warned.

"What?" She turned her eyes back to her best friend and rubbed her knee. "I'm curious. She was my best friend for most of my life. I…wonder now and then."

"If we can't tell her about you, we can't tell you about her. It's the deal we made with both of you, all right? Don't make me be the one to break it." She pointed down towards the cabinets. "Colander?"

"Right side cabinet."

She bent down and opened a forested cabinet door, finding the silver colander inside. "Ah."

Spencer leaned over the counter towards her. "How about Toby? Are we allowed to talk about him? How is he doing?"

"Ha ha." She stood up with the colander. "He's doing well. He's opened his own side business, Cavanaugh Carpentry. He's still a full-time cop, but he does his work on the side, obviously. Um, he's happily engaged to Yvonne and is dying to come out and see his favorite little man."

"Benjamin misses him, too. Uncle Toby." She grinned at the name. "When's the wedding?"

"This fall."

"Oh, so soon. I have to… I dunno, send flowers?" Her nose wrinkled. "What do you send your ex as a wedding gift?"

"I haven't crossed that bridge, so I can't say." She drained the noodles and began adding in the packet of cheese, the measurements of milk and butter and stirred it up. "I'm surprised you don't have some organic, super food here."

"I would, but the boy only likes Kraft. I've tried gourmet mac and cheese recipes, but he rejects them. The kid is super picky on about mac and cheese—and his chicken nuggets." She smacked a hand lightly down on the counter with wide eyes. "I've had to order fast food nuggets before going out to a nice dinner with him, because he's so picky, Em."

She snorted a laugh at the look on her face. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. I don't know where this kid got his taste buds, but they didn't come from me."

Emily paused on that comment and began, "You know, Caleb's—"

"Don't." She cut her off instantly at the mention of his name. "Not in my house, not in my city, not in front of my son—just don't."

She sighed. "You'll have to face him eventually. What if he wants to meet Ben? It's his son, too."

"Yeah, and he made his choice when he stood me up at dinner and then made no attempt to contact me when I was pregnant. I lived in Rosewood for thirteen months, and I never ran into him. I never heard from him. He wanted nothing to do with Ben then, so now if he does want a relationship then he'll have to earn it. _Him_, not you."

She wet her lips. "Okay. You're right. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just don't mention his name here." Her eyes found her son's face as he played with his toy trucks. "Toby is more of a father to him than Caleb."

"Well, I agree with you there, and I have finished the macaroni and cheese, so let's bust out the chocolate milk and check on the nuggets."

She forced a smile. "Sounds good."

"Of course, it does." She called to Benjamin, who looked up from running over a firetruck with a monster truck, and she held up his favorite sippy cup. "Here you are, handsome."

"Thank you." He ran over and accepted the cup, chugging it.

"Slow down. That's all you get," Emily reminded him, and he stopped drinking it entirely. "C'mon, Mommy will make the plates, and we'll go sit down."

"Thanks, Mommy."

"Ach, Em." Spencer dropped her feet to the floor.

"What? I cooked. I did my part. It's your turn."

"No, that's fine. You have to have him wash up for dinner, please."

"Oops, Auntie Emily forgot." She guided him towards the downstairs bathroom. "C'mon, sweetie."

Spencer prepared three plates and two glasses of chocolate milk, setting the table and catching her reflection in the mirror. She often thought about Caleb but never lingered there. It broke her heart to think too long about him. She loved him as a friend and lover, and he hurt her in both ways, deeply, and she wasn't sure she could forgive him. It would be her choice, of course, seeing him and forgiving him, but she wasn't there yet. She needed time. He let her down, and it wasn't only her—it was their son. How could he do that to his own flesh and blood?

"We're back and ready to devour an entire plate, right?" Emily carried him into the room. "Ben?"

He said nothing with wide eyes and a shoulder shrug.

"At this point in my day, I'd take half a plate." Spencer motioned for them to follow into the dining room. "You won't believe my day."

"Oh, that's right; you came home early. Why is that? Not that we mind, though, right?" Emily set him down in his chair, and he grinned happily at the sight of the food and his mommy. "Or don't speak at all. It's cool."

"Dinosaurs!" he roared and plucked a nugget off his plate. "Roar!"

"Or just don't speak to me." Emily sat down and laughed. "Roar!"

He bit the head off the dinosaur. "Numnum."

Spencer played with her food and rehashed the events of her work "meeting", Emily didn't seem to get the issue, and Spencer was too drained to go into detail with it. She played with her food and wondered if it would be so bad to take some time off and simply enjoy time with her son.


	6. Of Fish And Wine

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Spencer woke bright and early to get some fresh bagels and coffee from Gina's bakery, leaving Emily and Benjamin sprawled out on the living room floor in a mess of pillows and blankets, the movie still playing on repeat. She changed into a floral sundress and wedges, brushing her hair and heading out as quietly as possible. She drove with the windows down as it was a gorgeous day, and she decided to wait on her order. She could use some time outside of the house before she was stuck there for a week. Well, she didn't have to stay at home, but she wanted to finish a few items before she truly called it vacation.

She strolled into the bakery and saw only one other customer inside, but Gina looked bushed, so she must have missed the rush by a good five minutes or six. She was relieved, because she did not want to run into people today. She wanted a semi-quick in and out trip for breakfast foods and coffee, but she also wanted to check on Gina. Girl did not look her usual one hundred percent.

"Hey, girl." Gina stopped pipping roses on top of her cupcakes. "You look hot."

"Thank." She laughed lightly. "You look like a hot mess."

"I know. I'm trying something new with my anxiety and panic disorder," she mused. "You missed the chaos."

"Lucky me." She set her clutch down on the counter. "What remains?"

"Warm bagels, and my dignity is around here somewhere." She scanned the floor with a laugh and continued to pipe out tiny, tiny roses onto the cupcake. "What can I get for you, though, hot pants?"

"I'm in a dress, so no, no hot pants."

"With that ass, are you sure you lean that way?"

"Are you joking or coming onto me? I honestly cannot tell."

"I'm exhausted and this is what happens when attractive people come at me." She lowered her voice. "You should have seen me with him. It was awkward. He hasn't spoken to me since."

"Oh, God." She shook her head. "Anyway, I need to place an order to go."

"Aww, you mean you didn't come to check up on me?"

"Not today. Maybe tomorrow."

"Two days in a row? My, my, what is happening to you? I thought you'd be glued to your work desk."

"Ugh, don't get me started with that." She rolled her eyes and waved it away. "I need three bagels."

"Let me guess: blueberry, everything and plain."

"Right on the money." She nodded. "And some of that veggie cream cheese, please, on the side."

"Does he eat it?" She set the pipping bag down and grabbed a rag to wipe her fingers off. "I thought he was against veggies."

"He is, but I'm trying to force them on him, just a little bit. He loves cream cheese, so I'm hoping he won't be picky about it." She shifted her weight from foot to foot and exhaled. "Any hints on how to feed a three-year-old vegetables?"

"I am happily without children, so nope." She bent down with a pair of tongs and plucked a bagel out with it, slipping it into a paper sleeve. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She dug her credit card out of her clutch. "I also need two large coffees."

"Which one am I preparing it for? Emily or Aria?" She collected two more bagels and adjusted them in the bag, dropping in six small cups of cream cheese—three veggie, three regular.

"Emily."

She nodded. "How's she doing?"

"Great. She's couching the high school swim team during the school year, and during the summer, she's helping over at the community center. She and Paige both."

"Awesome. Sounds like she's living the dream." She paused for a moment. "Well, her dream anyway."

"Yeah." Her eyes lowered to the display case, and she swallowed.

Gina had happened to glance over to see her eyes lower and frowned. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Lair." She set a brown paper bag down on the counter and headed over to the other side to prepare the coffee. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just…questioning some choices I've made."

"That's heavy." She looked over her shoulder. "What choices? If you don't mind me asking."

"Moving here, uprooting my life for a position at Blackbush and Hart." She followed her over to the far end of the counter and tapped her debit card against it. "I miss Rosewood. I miss…having my friends practically next door. I miss… God, Hastings and Hastings."

"Your entire family is there in Rosewood, and it's easier to raise a child around that family. They do say it takes a village," Gian commented. "However, your career truly started there, and it's obvious you'd miss that life. It's been your entire life for years now. I understand that kind of missing."

"You do?"

"Of course. I started in a little shop in Ravenswood, and I miss it all the time. I got my start there, laid roots there, but I wouldn't trade it for what I have now." She picked up a cup holder and placed the prepared coffees into diagonal slots. "It's okay to miss where you began your roots, but it's not okay to let that longing take over what you've built here."

"How do I know I made the right choice?"

"You have to figure that out yourself, Spence. Sorry. I'm only good with words to a point." She slid the coffee holder over the counter. "That's $15.75."

She handed over her debit card. "Thanks."

"You'll work it out, Spencer. I believe in you." She ran her card and handed it back. "All I say is enjoy what time off you have with that little boy. He's special, and you know that."

"I do. Thank you again." She tucked the card back into her wallet inside the clutch and blew out a sigh. "Wish me luck relaxing."

"Good luck, honey." She grinned at her and returned to her cupcake. "Hmm. Now, it's this shit that makes me question my career. Could I tempt you? It looks horrible. I can't sell this."

"It looks cute." She slid the cup holder down to the brown bag and looked over the cupcake with blue and white roses. "I couldn't even swing that."

"Maybe not, but I kinda hate it." She lifted it up. "Here. Happy early cupcake giving day, or something."

"Oh, don't do this to me." Spencer whined playfully. "I can't."

"It's naturally sweetened." She singsonged, wobbling it towards her face. "It's probably healthier than the bagel. No gym worries."

"All right." She accepted the cupcake and peeled the paper from the bottom back to take a bite. "Oh, my God."

"Right." She grinned. "You're welcome, Spence."

"How is this legal?" Spencer laughed, swiping icing off the tip of her nose.

"Spencer? Spencer Hastings?"

That voice stopped every molecule in her body, her heart paused in its motions, and her stomach twisted up in a mass of knots, jumping up to her throat and lodging itself there. She was sure she would have choked on that damned cupcake had it not been so moist. Surely, she had misheard. Surely, she had an out of body experience and thought the voice she heard was the voice she heard. Surely—fucking surely—she did not hear the voice she just heard. After all this time, all this distance and working and trying to forget, to recover, to move on—and there that damned voice was. Anxious, questioning, confirmed. It matched how she felt.

She swallowed without chewing and looked over at the man who had spoken to her. There he was: Caleb Rivers. He was wearing a suit—a black, expensive, form-fitting—and standing less than five feet away from her. He looked good. He'd gotten broader around the shoulders, and he'd grown his goatee out. He looked like a man now. Standing tall. He was tall and right in front of her.

"Caleb."

"Caleb?" Gina stood back in case Spencer blew if this was the same Caleb she'd learned about.

"Spencer, hey." He gulped and approached her. He felt gutted, ripped in half, and there was nothing around him but her. The floor was gone, the air had fled, and even the ceiling and glass had vanished. It was simply the two of them, and it only intensified the emptiness he felt. It was cold and ran down his back like sharp fingernails. "How are—?"

He was cut off by a splat to the face, his face twitched at the contact of icing and cupcake mashing into it, and he could feel the icing in his nostrils. He honestly couldn't blame her for such a reaction; although he hadn't meant to run into her, and he hadn't even known she lived here, so he could blame her for potentially ruining his interview in half an hour at Blackbush Tech. There was that. He had earned the rest. Perhaps even more. No, confirmedly more.

"Puh." He coughed and sputtered, peeling the cupcake off his face. "Hello again to you, too."

"You've got to be kidding me. No. No!" She collected her things and started to flee before stopping and whirling around to face him. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?!"

"I—I came to—"

"No, you know what? I don't care. Just stay the hell away from me!"

"Spencer, wait!"

"Goodbye, Caleb!" She turned on her heel and scurried out of the building without looking back.

"Spencer." Caleb called from the doorway, but she was long gone by the time he'd gotten to the door. "Damn it."

Gina handed over another napkin and smiled at him. "Here you go, fuckboy."

He scoffed and accepted the napkin. "Thanks."

"At least it was a cupcake and not the coffee."

"That is true." He excused himself to the bathroom to get cleaned up for his interview.

* * *

Emily woke up to the sound of panicked breathing and rolled over to find Spencer on the floor of the kitchen. "Oh, my God, Spence!" She scrambled to her feet and over to her, gripping her shoulders and holding her close. "Are you all right? What happened?"

"Fuck, Emily." She grasped her hand blindly and gripped it firmly. "He—he—he's here."

"Who, Spence, who is here…" She stopped in the middle of asking who the hell made her react this way and gulped. "Caleb."

"Mommy!" Benjamin ran over to her. "Mommy, don't cry."

"Ben." She wrapped her arm around him and pulled him close, kissing him softly on the top of his head. "Baby."

An hour passed before Spencer was able to calm down, Emily carried Benji to his room to play for a bit while she got Spencer some water and some wine to finish crossing her over that calming line. She sat down with her on the couch, the camera in Benji's displaying him playing with his action figures and looking now and then to the door, likely trying to check on his mom even though he was gated into his room. It was rough, but they needed adult time. She would make up for it later with cuddles and candy.

"I can't believe this." Emily shook her head and lifted her glass of wine to her lips. "Just…can't wrap my head around this."

Spencer was leaning over her knees, fingers tangled in her hair, rocking up and down on her heels. "Kill me, Emily, just…fucking kill me."

"No. I love you too much to do that."

"God, Caleb!" She straightened up and pulled her hair up into a ponytail then realized she had no hair tie and dropped her hair. "I—I can't do this. I moved out of Rosewood to avoid running into Caleb. Well, that and the job opportunity."

"Why is he here?"

"It's not like I talked to him, Em. I shoved a friggin' cupcake in his face and ran, because I haven't spoken to him in three years after having his kid. I mean, it's not a conversation starter." She realized how harsh she sounded, as her throat was raw and ripped, and she felt like a jackass. "I'm sorry. This isn't about you. It's about him and us and our son."

"I know. I get it, Spence."

"No, you don't." She met her best friend's concerned eyes and shook her head somberly, tearing up. "You don't know what it's to be in love with someone who…isn't there. Who looks at you like a buddy when you spill your guts. Who found out you were pregnant and bailed into the arms of your best friend."

"Spencer, I do know what it's like to love someone who isn't there. I loved Alison for years, and she loved me like a friend for years, but nothing good and honest ever came of it." Emily set her drink down on the coffee table and laced her fingers together. "And…Hanna and Caleb? They never even got married, Spencer. They broke up, and Hanna? She moved to New York to dive into her fashion career. Aria and I barely hear from her. We know she has a new line of clothes coming out in the fall."

"What?" Her head whipped around, and she stared. "Why didn't you tell me about this? Emily?"

"Because Hanna made Aria and me swear to keep her name out of our conversations with you. I—I'm sorry. I still value all we have together, and I couldn't cross that line, but you need to know the truth now, especially if Caleb is back in your life."

"Oh, my God." She ran a hand down her jaw and reached for her glass of wine, downing its content.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you, but I had to. I'm loyal to both of you, and I won't be put in the middle of your…love triangle."

"It's not a love triangle," Spencer corrected. "It's a bunch of dots now, no connecting lines."

"Spencer, if that were true, this would have ended with the cupcake, and you wouldn't have iced out Hanna for the last three years."

"What are you talking about?" She ran her hands through her hair and wet her lips, eyeing her best friend.

"Spencer, you still… you still keep pictures of Caleb in your phone. You call out of him sometimes in your sleep. You put Toby in the uncle zone. Toby, love of your teenage life."

"That's ridiculous."

"It's not ridiculous, and you're not denying it."

"I keep pictures of him for proof."

"Of what?"

"Of his existence. For Benji." She gestured to the screen where her son was playing. "So when he asks about his dad, I have someone to show him."

"Then why is it a picture of you two?"

"Why would I have pictures of Caleb alone?"

"We have group pictures."

"You're infuriating, Fields." She stood up and marched into the kitchen for a refill of wine. "You're blowing this way out of proportion. It is one photo of us when we were together. It was one dream. It was…just ones, all right? I'm not still in love with the jackass."

"I never said you were in love with him." Emily chased her into the kitchen. "Are you?"

"I just said I wasn't."

"But you implied love."

"So?"

"You know…there's a saying about love," Emily informed her. "The first love is necessary but a puppy love. It's meant to burn out. The second love is painful and—"

"Let me stop you right there. I don't need a speech on love. I need to figure out how to…avoid Caleb until he's out of my life forever." She set the glass down in the sink and decided to stop drinking. "I need cuddles from my son."

"His son," Emily rang. "Your son together. You can't avoid him if he wants custody. He has a right."

"No, he doesn't," Spencer seethed, a flame burning in her stomach at those words. "He abandoned me and his son the moment he stood me up for dinner, only cementing it by ignoring me whenever I tried to reach out in the weeks that followed."

"Legally, I meant."

"I'm aware of the laws." She swallowed. "If he wants to see his son, he'll have to take me up in court."

"Isn't that a bit drastic?"

"Not one bit."

"I just meant—you're friends. Well, you were friends. You could come to a conclusion to this situation outside of a courtroom. He's a good person who's made some questionable choices, but he's still a good person. Even I know that, and I haven't spoken to the guy in years." More or less.

"If he thinks he can stalk me to a new town and take my son from me, he's dead wrong."

"He would never just take Benji from you."

"How do you know that he won't try? People have been taking things from me my entire life. I've been made a victim more than once, and you know my history with pills, with Radely. All it takes is a little digging, and my son is taken from me! I have to punch first, Emily."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Caleb would never use your history against you."

"How do we know that? I thought he would never abandon his own blood, but he did. I thought he wouldn't be able to track me down, but he has. Clearly what I believe about Caleb isn't true."

"Spence, you need to calm down. It'll be all right. Trust me."

"I love you, Emily, but I just…need my son right now. Is that okay?"

"It's more than okay. I'll clean this mess up. Go be with him." She smiled consolingly at her. "Go before I go."

She smiled. "Thanks." She headed upstairs to play with her son, losing the wedges along the way and climbing over the baby gate to join him. "Hey, buddy."

"Do you feel better?" He looked up from his soldiers, the eyes of his father almost reflecting her image around the irises, and she shuddered. "Mommy?"

"Yeah, I feel better." She lowered herself down onto her knees on the carpeted floor and smiled at her little boy. "How goes it with the men?"

"I'm bored." He tilted his head to the side and sighed. "I wanna go outside, and I'm hungry."

"Right, I forgot to bring you breakfast. I'm so sorry. Why don't we go outside and Auntie Em warms up those bagels?"

"I wanna play with Bastian and Ms. Alicia," he pouted. "May I?"

"Honey, it's her day off, and Mommy's here." She tucked hair behind his ear and tried to offer an encouraging smile. "We can have fun together. We don't need Alicia and her dog."

"But I wanna play with her dog."

"Okay, well, why don't we get breakfast first? Hmm?"

"Okay."

"Okay." She clapped her hands and attempted a smile. "Let's go."

He stood up, and she gathered him up in her arms, kissing his cheeks and blowing raspberries onto his neck until he was giggling and squirming for freedom. She laughed with him and tickled him, his body dropping to the floor with a soft thud and laughter erupting from his lips. She laughed manically during the attack to make him laugh even more, and she finally gave in when he cried uncle.

She tucked hair behind her ear and kissed him on the nose. "Mwah." She grinned at him.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you more, baby."

"Not possible."

She beamed at him. "C'mon, let's get breakfast."

They held hands and strolled downstairs. They ate breakfast just the two of them, Emily had work to do in town, and Spencer told her not to bring Caleb back here. Emily didn't even pretend to not be seeking out Caleb, and Spencer warned her as lightly as possible with her son in the next room. She simply said goodbye to the two of them and headed out.

* * *

Emily found Caleb easily, lurking outside the computer store in town, and she greeted him with a smile and hug, glad to see him out and about. He'd been in a deep depression for a while now, with the news of Hanna's success and Spencer simply missing from his life, and no one would or could talk about either one of them with him. It was a rule they had both laid out. No one talked to Caleb about how well or how poor they were doing. Hanna's was a sort of punishment for straying with her best friend, permission granted or not, and Spencer's was a pure and simple cut out. It wasn't to be cruel. It was to move on and raise a strong, healthy, happy boy. She had managed so far, so maybe now was the time to break the rule.

"Hey, Emily, you look great." He laughed happily at seeing an old friend. He saw her around Rosewood with her swim team and with Paige, but he never spoke to her. She liked to look at him like he was a wounded bird, and he couldn't handle that. He wasn't wounded. He wasn't broken. He was…a little lost. He was finally finding his way again. "How are you? What brings you here?"

"I'm okay, and you know what and who brings me here." She tucked hair behind her ear as the wind picked up, tugging at her blouse. "Spencer and your son."

The air fled his lungs at the mention of that word, a burning sensation kissed his nose, and his eyes seared with light tears. The dusty halls of his heart and soul were swept clean by the mere word—son. He panted an exhale and couldn't help but smile. "S—son? I have a son?"

Emily didn't realize how far the cut off period went. "You didn't know."

"I knew she was pregnant, but I never knew with what." He shivered and tried to contain the emotions brewing up in his stomach, and he loosened his tie. "I have a son."

"He's three years old."

His hand moved to his mouth as he tried not to cry. "D—do you have a picture?"

"Only like a million." She nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it and going through the pictures she had to find ones of Benjamin and Spencer. She moved closer to show him the photo. "This one is my favorite." It was the first fall Spencer and Emily and Aria had gotten to spend together. They were all in Blackbush, so naturally they went pumpkin picking with Benji and Spencer. This picture was of the four of them, taken by a local, with the biggest pumpkin any of them had seen. Spencer and Aria rode on top of it with Ben sitting on the front and Emily taking up the rear. They were all smiling and happy. After the picture was taken, Emily fell off the rear with Aria, and Spencer nearly wet herself laughing.

"Oh, my God." He took the phone and zoomed in on him. "This is him?"

"It's an old picture, but yes, that's Benji."

His eyes landed on the two-year-old with Spencer's arm around him, holding him in place, and his vision blurred with tears. He was beautiful, with the same hair type, complexion, beauty marks and chin dimple. But the rest? Those eyes, those lips, that nose—it was all Caleb. He could see himself reflected in the small boy, and his heart swelled. "Benji?"

"Benjamin Luther Hastings-Rivers." Glossy eyes met hers, and she nodded. "She may not admit it, but she always wanted a piece of you in his life."

"Why Luther?"

"It's from a poem Toby gave her when she was pregnant. It meant a lot to her, so she added it to the most important person in her life."

"I… I never meant for this to happen," he pleaded. "I always meant to do better."

"I know."

"No, how could you?" He shook his head. "I… I never meant to abandon them. Not once was that the plan."

"Caleb, I know." She gripped his arm. "Now, Spencer might kill me for this for, but I have her address, and you can see him in person. He doesn't know about you, hasn't asked, but I've told him stories. He knows a little."

"Thank you, Emily, but I can't do that. I can't violate Spencer's trust in you like this. I'll make peace my own way. Trust me. I have a plan."

"I thought you didn't know Spencer was in town."

"I didn't, but I had a plan back in Rosewood. I just never…acted on it. I was…distracted."

"Yeah, it was a rough ride." She laughed anxiously and cleared her throat. "Why don't I tell you where we'll be later? You can come and talk to Spence."

"That'd be great, Em. Thanks." He stepped close to her and handed her phone back. "But try and make it just the two of you. I'm not ready to meet him. I… I just need more time."

"Yeah, I get that, but you shouldn't waste much more. You've spent enough time away from him, don't you think?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat this time. "I'll let you go now. It was great to see you. We should have dinner sometime."

"I'd love that." She checked her watch. "It's about lunchtime. Why don't we meet at the bistro? It's just two blocks away, and it has a great food. Healthy choices, too. She ensures he eats healthy."

"That sounds like her. Does he go for it?"

"Chicken nuggets and chocolate milk were our dinner last night." He laughed. "So, mostly no."

"Yeah, that sounds about right. I think I was the same when I was a kid."

"I think we all were." Her phone rang, and it was Spencer. "I should take this, but we'll definitely do dinner later."

"Yeah, I'll text you."

She waved and answered the phone, returning to her car and hearing Spencer asking her to pick up some lunch from the bistro. Emily challenged her and asked her to get out of the house. Ben wanted out of the house anyway, and they could visit the dog park and the shelter to see puppies and dogs. She was hesitant, but she knew Emily was right. She agreed to meet her there.

So, twenty-two minutes later the three of them were sitting around a booth and sipping on ice waters with lemon. Spencer placed an order for chicken salad, Emily ordered grilled chicken, and Ben went with his usual chicken nuggets and fries. Spencer wasn't in the mindset to argue with him today. She'd make him eat something green with dinner.

"Is this the part where you acknowledge the trap you've walked me into?" Spencer scribbled on the coloring sheet the waitress had brought over for Ben, coloring in the hippo since he'd claimed the dog on the other side. A green hippo.

"If you knew it was a trap then why come?"

"Because it's inevitable." She glanced at her for a moment. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah, I think it is." She nodded and stretched out her legs. "Green for a hippo?"

"He took the purple," Spencer argued playfully.

"No, it looks good."

She chuckled. "I bet."

"Hey, Spence." Emily nudged her foot under the table, and Spencer lifted her eyes again. "He's here."

"I'll be right back, baby." She set the crayon down and kissed his hair. "Stay with Auntie Em."

"Okay, Mommy." He didn't even look up from the coloring sheet.

She slid out of the booth, minding her dress on the way out, and she saw him standing by the host's stand, eyeing her to try and gauge her mood. She honestly had no mood towards him anymore. He was a total stranger to her. She had no opinion of him, no respect for him, and no love for him. No matter what Emily said, there was nothing between them. They weren't even friends. He had burned that bridge almost four years ago.

"Hello, Caleb." She stopped a few feet away from him, glad the host was away at the moment.

"Hello, Spencer," he echoed. His eyes were forcefully glued to her face, because if he looked away for one moment, he'd be drawn to his son. This wasn't how he wanted to meet him, but if it happened, it happened. It would Spencer's move. He owed her that much.

"I don't think now is the time for us to talk it all out." She raised her shoulders to try and loosen the tension there.

"Why don't we meet for dinner tonight then?" he suggested.

"Oh, are you actually going to show this time?"

"I deserve that."

"And so much more," she hissed then reeled it in because she was in public, "but fine."

"I went to a restaurant this afternoon, La Poisson, so why don't we go there for dinner? I already made reservations for around seven, and I _will_ be there. This is important."

"It was important the first time, too."

"I know, and I can't apologize enough for missing it. There's a reason, and I'll explain it to you tonight. Just give me a chance, please. I've changed."

"Here's the thing: for your change to matter, I have to know you, but I don't. The moment you abandoned me and our unborn baby was the moment you became a stranger to me."

He slowly nodded. "I understand, and I hope…this second meeting will show you what kind of man I am today."

"All I hope is it's a good man who wants to be involved with his son, because a child needs its father." She turned on her heel. "I'll see you tonight." She rejoined her table and smiled at her little boy, seeing he had finished with his dog. "That looks so good."

"Thanks. I named him Rosco."

"I like Rosco."

"Me, too."

Spencer knew he wanted a dog. He always talked about it with Alicia and with Aria, both of them having dogs, and she knew they had to have that conversation. She didn't want a dog right now. He was too young to accept the responsibilities of a dog, and she couldn't ask Alicia to watch her son and her dog both. She paid enough to, but she didn't want a dog. They were loud and messy and adorable, but she had a child for that. She could only hope he grew out of this wanting a dog phase and grew into wanting an animal that was simple, like a turtle or a fish. If he outright asked for a dog, she had no idea how she would go about telling him no, but she'd have to. It was in their lease that they couldn't have pets—probably.

Their food arrived as the train of thought came to an end, they ate and made jokes and laughed over Ben's little kiddy jokes. It was a good afternoon, but Spencer still struggled with trying to share her son. It lingered on her mind. She was the one who changed his diapers and soothed his colds and sucked out boogers and stuck out his tantrums. She was the one who had been there his entire life, and she was the only parent he had ever known. She wouldn't give up single motherhood for a possible chance of Caleb getting involved in their lives. He bailed the last time, so he might bail again. Honestly, horribly, she hoped. She wasn't the type to share, especially not the most important man in her life. Well, important little man. She hoped if Caleb was serious, this feeling didn't interfere with their relationship. This or any other feelings.

* * *

Emily sat on Spencer's bed while she tried on dress after dress, always finding some detail wrong with one dress or another. She had done up her hair and makeup and had a pair of heels in mind. She wanted to be taller than him to be in a position of power. She wanted to be the one to lead this conversation, and she wanted to be the one who laid the ground rules of their meeting, especially the meeting with their son for the first time.

"This is too office." She tossed it beside Emily. "This is too sexy."

"Spencer," Emily stood up, "you've complained about every single dress."

"Well, all I own are office attire and date dresses. La Poisson is an extravagant restaurant, and I can't wear jeans." She rubbed her arm and huffed. "Why don't you find a dress for me? I can't decide."

"Here. I settled on this one an hour ago." She dug it out from the pile of "too sexy" and revealed the eggplant hued, high-low, laced-neckline dress with black heels. "Here."

"Isn't that implying that I want to sleep with him? Instead of the power move I'm going for?"

"Spencer, just put on the damn dress."

"All right." She dressed and adjusted her curls and touched up her makeup. She felt like a little girl playing dress up. She was anxious about his intentions tonight. She didn't want to make him the bad guy, and she didn't want to play the bad guy herself, but she had to admit his timing was awfully suspicious. If someone ratted her out, she was going to cut them out of their lives. She didn't want Caleb to know where she had moved to, and she didn't want to be having this dinner, but it was, as she had said, inevitable.

"How do I look?" She spun around to show off the gown.

"You look hot."

"Thanks." She pressed her lips together and checked the watch on her wrist. "I should get going before I'm late. If he bothers to show up this time."

"He'll show. I know it." She gripped her arms and smiled at her. "Go get him."

"Yeah." She nodded and grabbed her clutch. "Kiss Ben goodnight for me."

"Will do."

She said goodnight to her baby boy and hugged him and told him a surprise would be waiting for him tomorrow. It was either the new firetruck she'd ordered for him or his father. She would give no hints, because she had no idea which it would be. "Have a good night with Emily, all right? She leaves tomorrow afternoon."

"Why can't I go with you?" he pouted.

"Because it's a business meeting, and it's not fun." She bent down and cupped his cheeks. "I will be back before you know it, and we'll have waffles for breakfast with bacon—if you eat brussels sprouts with dinner."

"Fine," he grumbled. "But promise."

"I promise."

They said goodnight there in the living room, Spencer kissed his cheek and told him she loved him before she departed from the house. She drove to the restaurant and sat on in the car debating going or staying then after mustering up her courage, she strolled inside. She said the reservation was under Rivers and saw him sitting in the same suit as this morning, and she felt relief settling in her stomach. He was here. He was truly here, so that meant he truly wanted to be a part of his son's life.

"Right this way." The hostess showed her to the table and left her menu. "Enjoy."

"So, you decided to show. Color me shocked." She meant it was a musing, but he took it seriously from the look in his eye.

"Here." He stood up and pulled her chair out for her. "And I wouldn't miss this for anything."

"Thank you." She sat down and exhaled deeply. "You look nice."

"You look beautiful." He seated himself and smiled naturally. "I missed you, if I'm being honest."

"I… I don't know what you want," Spencer confessed. "A friendship. A relationship. I don't know. You're a complete stranger to me, Caleb Rivers. We have a son who you've never met, and you've missed _me_?"

"I didn't even know if you went through with the pregnancy, or if you settled on adoption. I didn't know if I had a daughter or a son. All I knew was I was missing the best part of myself, and I couldn't get it back. It was gone before I had it, and I ache for it. _Ache_ for it, Spence. Please, please, believe that I am sorry."

"How could I believe you? You abandoned us. I asked you to dinner, and you didn't even have the decency to call or ever show up to explain why."

"Spencer, you don't understand."

"I understand that I waited for you for hours in that restaurant. I understand that I went home alone in tears. I understand I have raised our son alone for the past three years. So, don't you dare sit there and tell I don't understand, because I understand plenty."

"No, I don't mean about Benji or about us. I meant about that night." He sighed softly and met her eyes. "I spent two hours arguing with Hanna prior to our dinner. I spent an hour trying to get my car started once it broke down. Then I just…got scared. I was twenty-five and stupid and scared out of my mind. A child? A baby? How could I raise a child when I had no experience to dip into? I am sorry. I'll always be sorry, but I need you to forgive me, so we can do this together."

He then went into detail about what happened with his car—or so the repairman told him—and his fears, his doubts. He wasn't a father type. Yes, he and Hanna would have had children, but he would have had time to consider his role. He would have had any time to consider anything, but with her, it just happened seemingly overnight, and there was no real time. Everything was on a countdown clock, and he was drowning from the weight of his stress and the expectations that would be thrust upon him. He wasn't sure he could do it then, but now he was sure. He was damn sure he could be a father. He wanted to be a father. He wanted to make amends. _Please, please let me make amends…._

She didn't speak. She was blown away. She hadn't considered his side of the story. She didn't want to. She wanted to stay angry, and she wanted to stay away from him, because she wasn't the type to share. She could be rather selfish and wanted to keep this little life they'd made together all to herself. She loved him from the start, even when she was scared. It was why she kept him. Why she stalled when pressed about what her intentions were with the baby—adoption, abortion or to keep him.

So, she needed to love him now. To love him and know he needed his father. He needed two loving parents, and he needed to know the part of him that was Caleb. She had no right to keep him away. She had no reason behind her anger anymore. She knew it wouldn't be so simple, but she needed to act now like she knew there was no real reason to keep the rage so close. The anger would be released when she stopped holding onto it like a lifeline. She needed to let go and simply love Benjamin. She needed to be an adult and let go. No matter how twisted up he made her.

"You still left me," Spencer weakly remarked, her voice not her own, soft and raspy, full of emotion. "You left me to raise a child all on my own. You were my friend, my lover, the father of our child, and you fucking bailed on me. On him. How can I forgive you overnight? Do you know what it's like to love someone who only liked you? Who ran back to his ex? To ran away from his responsibilities? Do you know, Caleb? Do you?"

His eyes lowered to the table, and this was the moment the waitress came over to ask if they'd decided on what to eat. Spencer ordered a bottle of wine, Caleb kept with water, and they said they'd decide on food later. The bottle was presented and opened, and Spencer downed the first glass without blinking. She poured herself a second and wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"I can't put myself in your shoes, Spence. I'm sorry I never tried. I will start tonight, and I will make it right with you and with our son. Please, give me the chance to do right by you both. I—I need him, Spence. Like air. You have no idea what the last three years have been like for me. Knowing he was out there and never having seen him or kissed him or held him felt like a bleeding, festering wound. It still does…so, please, Spence, please forgive me."

"I don't think I can," she whispered honestly. "I've spent so much many years trying to hate you that forgiving feels like betrayal, but…you're not the only one who has to make an effort here. I'll try. For our son, I will try."

He bowed his head. "Thank you."

She nodded and wiped yet another stray tear from her cheek and snuffled. "How did you find me, by the way?"

"I didn't know I had." He gripped his hands together under the table. "I… I got a job offer from the tech department at Blackbush Technology. I just…needed out of Rosewood, and they come highly recommended. The benefits were too amazing to pass up, and it's temp-to-hire, so we can both back out if it isn't a good fit."

"What benefits?"

"Housing. I get an apartment right down the road from Bloomdale Park, and I get free lunches from the cafeteria. Free gym membership. I get a brand new, state-of-the-art laptop and desktop, and I get upgrades for free. Access to new applications and…a lot of boring tech talk." He laughed to himself at her expression. "It's kind of a dream job. I hope it works out."

"You'd have to stay in Blackbush, though, right?"

"Kind of, yes. Is that a problem?"

"No. Not at all. I mean…no." She shook her head. "That's incredible, Caleb. I'm happy for you. You sound like you deserve it."

"After the last three years, yeah, I'd say I've earned it."

"How have the last three years treated you?" she inquired, curious.

"Well, Hanna and I are not married or divorced. We actually never got married, because of the whole pregnancy ordeal," he carefully spoke. "She was too upset. All we did was fight. Then she called it quits and moved back to New York. She's doing well from the bits and pieces I've read in magazines. She's engaged, actually, I think. It's been difficult trying to tell rumor from reality with celebrity designers."

"Yeah, I imagine."

"But um," he cleared his throat, "yeah. I've been doing tech work here and there to support myself. I moved with Toby for a little bit after the split, but he has since moved into a new house that he built himself, so I have the place all to myself. Had—had the place all to myself.

"I've been out there lately. Out in the world, I mean. I've kept pretty close to home, staying in touch with our mutual friends and trying to breach the Hastings boarder to learn where you were. I wanted to see you and our kid, but those walls are steel walls." He laughed gently. "It's okay. I understand why you asked them to keep me out. I would do the same if I had been so cruel."

"Caleb, I never asked for them to keep you out. It was implied, but I didn't think they'd listen. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Don't be sorry. It happened, and it's over now, right? We're going to be parents."

She gulped but nodded her head. "We're going to be parents."

A smile spread across his lips, and it couldn't be contained. It mirrored itself on her lips, and she chuckled, and the air instantly lightened. The conversation turned into an all-you-can-see picture and story time on Benjamin. Caleb actually moved his chair to be beside her instead of across from her to see better, Spencer ordered for the both of them while Caleb watched a community play featuring two and a half-year old Benji as a bush, and the waitress brought out a crab cake on the house for the lovely couple, having seen them sharing videos regarding baby Ben. Spencer had a mouthful of rice and couldn't correct her, and Caleb was distracted by a Christmas video of their son from last year.

"Did you hear her?" Spencer murmured behind her hand.

"Yep." He lowered the phone and chuckled. "I'm stunned you didn't chew her head off."

"I am not that kind of monster."

"You sort of are."

"You're such an ass." She rolled her eyes and continued to eat and drink. "You've always been a bit of an ass, you know that?"

"Wow, someone's buzzed."

"I've been on my best behavior for the last three years, so bite me."

"Where?"

She blinked and eyed him. "What did you say?"

"Hmm?" He acted innocent and pointed to a photo. "Is this you? As a giant turkey?"

"Yes, and our son is a bowl of yams." She laughed at the memory. "Aria dragged me to it. She wanted to do something festive, and we were still new to town, so we went and got parts in the play. It was Thanksgiving. She was feeling lonely, and we just did it."

He smiled at her. "You don't look so happy."

"Yeah, they shot me at the end to cook me. Like that scene from Stepmom? Totally pew-pewed me."

"Pew pewed you?" He snickered. "Your vocabulary has changed so much."

"It had to. I can't speak to you like I speak to a newborn. Benjamin has an excellent vocabulary, but not as vast as mine. I had to…shrink it some. Is that weird?"

"No, I think it's sweet." He reached over and grasped her hand. "Thank you for taking such good care of our son."

"Of course. I'm his mother, how else am I going to care for him?" She pulled her hand away and picked up her glass of wine.

"I didn't mean it as an attack."

"I know." She gripped the stem to her cup and exhaled from the pit of her lungs. "I'm still angry with you, Caleb, so forgive me if I am harsh."

"I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry; be better," she finalized.

Their dinner lost its warm and friendly attitude, they kept up a front for the kind waitress, but Spencer mostly drank. Caleb asked her to slow down, but she wasn't listening. She finished off the bottle and was almost completely gone herself by the time Caleb paid. He helped her out of the restaurant and into her car, though it was a wrestling match to get her keys from her. She was clinging to his neck, laughing, and while he couldn't help but laugh at her laughter, he had to get her home.

"Spence, easy, easy." He helped her into the passenger seat and removed her heels before she broke her neck. "Careful, please, you're gonna break yourself."

"Caleb, you are such a mother hen." She pulled her foot from him and set it on his chest. "Which is truly comical, because you're a daddy. You're not even a good daddy. You…deserted me and our son, so you're a piece of shit daddy."

"Yup, that's hysterical." He caught her other ankle and removed her heel. "There, now sit back, please."

"Mmm-mmm." She shook her head. "You'll have to make me, and seeing as you couldn't come to one lousy dinner, good luck."

"Spence, c'mon."

"Caleb, c'mon." She mirrored his tone and laughed, her leg sliding up to rest against his shoulder, her dress hiking up to reveal lacy black panties. "_Va te faire foutre, Rivers_." She shoved him back.

He didn't need to know what French to know what Spencer was implying. She was drunk and aggressive, apparently, and he didn't want to fight with a drunk version of her. He just wanted her to get home safely. And he would ensure that. He caught her leg and placed it down on the floor of her passenger seat. "Here, let me buckle you in."

She crossed her legs sloppily. "Asshole."

"But an asshole who wants you to get home in one piece for our son." He smiled tightly and buckled her in. "Keep your limbs in the car, please." He closed the door and walked around to the other side of the car, buckling himself in and texting Emily for the address to Spencer's house

"You know," Spencer narrowly eyed him, bobbling her leg up and down as best she could in the limited space, "our son is so sickeningly like you."

He laughed. "Is he now?"

"He chews like…like you...chew."

"How do you know how I chew?" He glanced at her, and she grumbled a reply he couldn't make out. "Spence?"

"He walks…like you…."

"I doubt he walks like me."

"He does."

"I guess I'll see."

"Hmm, yeah, guess so…."

Spencer dozed off in that moment, he drove them home after receiving the address from Emily, and he carried her inside. He found Emily waiting in the entry way of the house, and he smiled shyly at her. She didn't have to ask what happened, simply guided him to her bedroom and took the heels from his fingers.

"Thanks for getting her home." Emily tucked her in on her side and pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

"You're welcome." He loosened his tie and looked around at the pictures of Ben and Spencer with her friends and a few of his own. "Wow, he's so big."

"Not really." Emily slid off the bed. "Do you want to see him? He's in bed, but I don't think he'd mind."

"No, no let him sleep." He shook his head. "I'll be back in the morning."

"Good, because if you would have bailed a second time, I'd have found you and broken your knees." She was entirely serious, and he nodded with a gulp he attempted to hide by clearing his throat. It didn't work so well—for him anyway. "Okay?"

"Ye—yeah."

"I'll show you out then I have to get some sleep. I have to get up early to head home. My kids have a meet."

"Well, good luck to them."

"I'll let them know."

They walked downstairs to the front door, Emily was tempted to ask him to stay the night, but he had to get back to his hotel room and make a phone call in the morning to accept or decline the offer from Blackbush Technology. She said goodbye to him there, and she realized then he had no car to drive himself back to the hotel.

"Okay, maybe I could stay the night?" he laughed hopefully.

"Sure. You can sleep on the couch." She let him back inside and patted his arm. "I'll get the guest sheets."

"Thanks."

* * *

Spencer woke up to the sound of birds chirping distortedly, and she groaned, her head tighter than a drum and full of a wine hangover. She dragged herself out of bed and into the shower, drowning herself in hot water and cucumber scent soap. She dried off and slipped into jeans and a blouse, heading downstairs to drown herself next in coffee and aspirin.

There was laughter in the kitchen, and she slowed her steps until she could peek in and see who was laughing and about what. It was Emily and Caleb and Benji. They were laughing over waffles and eggs, and it was a heartwarming scene. She had longed for such a scene since her son was born, and the jealousy she worried she'd feel was nowhere in sight.

"Mommy!" Benji jumped up from his table beside the island counter and ran over to her. "Good morning."

"Good morning, baby." She scooped him up into her arms and brought him over to the island. "How is everybody?"

"Great." Emily sipped her coffee. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a rock." She didn't want to mention the hangover in front of her son. "Caleb, what brings you over?"

"I spent the night." He placed a cup of water and a bottle of aspirin in front of her. "Here, thought you might need this."

"Thank you." She looked at her son for a moment before speaking to him, "Baby, do you know who this is?"

"I think," he whispered to her.

"Who do you think he is?"

"Uncle Caleb," he responded. "Right?"

"Close." She set him down on the floor and tucked hair behind her ear. "This is your daddy."

"Daddy?" he repeated the world, unfamiliar and questioningly.

"Yes, Daddy." She blinked back tears. "Do you remember our conversation about mommies and daddies, and how yours was away on a special trip?" He nodded. "Well, Caleb's back now, and he's very excited to meet you, baby. He's so very sorry he was away for such a long time, but he's back, and he's going to be here every day." She looked over at him, locking eyes, "Right?"

Caleb found himself nodding and crouching down to be at the same level as Spencer and Benji. "Right."

"Daddy." Eyes just like his found Caleb's face and searched and searched and searched until tears began to pool in those chocolate orbs, and he let go of his mom's hands and approached the man named Daddy. "You're my dad?"

"I am." He couldn't help the tears in his eyes, and he reached out a hand to touch his face, but Benji caught the hand with his own and spread his fingers out against his father's palm and began to sob. "No, no, don't cry." Caleb closed his fingers around the tips of his son's and pulled him into his arms. "It's okay. I'm here now, and I am going nowhere. I swear. I swear."

Spencer watched, sobbing, at the sight of her little boy buried in his father's arms, and she cupped a hand to her mouth at the beauty of such a sight. Emily joined her on the floor and consoled her. It was a happy moment, one to be seared into her brain over the image of desertion. It would take more time, more moments, to completely cloak such a negative scar, but she knew he would make it happen.


	7. Sand Castle Wishes

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Spencer hugged Emily goodbye that afternoon, Caleb holding Benji up to kiss and hug his aunt goodbye next, and they watched her depart from the porch. Spencer offered Caleb the guest bedroom if he had nowhere else to go, but he'd have go collect his clothes and computer from the hotel room. It would have been more work for him to go than for him to stay, but he did need the phone number for the director at his new job, which was in his hotel room. She offered him a ride and decided to call it a family day. Benji was excited to go somewhere new, and she laughed at how easy to please her son was. No, not her son—_their_ son.

"Let's get you changed, little man." Spencer held out her arms to take him upstairs, but he clung to his dad. "What, you want…Caleb to help you change?"

He pressed his lips together and said, "Together."

"You want us all to help you?" He smiled and nodded. "Okay, let's go."

They marched upstairs to his room, Caleb set him down on his bed and went with Spencer to his dresser, and they dug out a plaid top and jeans, and he looked like a mini-Caleb in it. Spencer threw her head back and laughed at the sight of them standing together, thinking how odd it was for her son to be so like a man he's never met until today, and Caleb smiled to see her laughing.

"C'mon, baby, let's hit the road."

"Okay." Benji nodded.

"You look like a wrinkled mess." Spencer tugged on Caleb's collar on her way by and guided her son down the stairs to the front door. "All right, pick out some shoes, good ser."

He looked over the selection and decided on sandals, and he put them on all on his own.

"What? Did Emily teach you that?"

"She helped."

"I am so proud of you. Getting so big on me." She ruffled his hair and kissed his brow. "Let's see if Daddy can work a car seat as well as a firewall."

"A what?"

"Nothing, baby. He'll explain it to you later." She chuckled to herself and escorted him out to the car, looking back at Caleb and smirking. He had no idea what he was in for.

"All right, one, two, three." She lifted him up into the car seat and stepped back. "You need the practice."

"All right." He just so happened to YouTube a video about how to strap a child into a car seat in case this happened, and he was prepared. He stepped up to the plate and buckled his son in as he'd seen in the video. It was a bit more difficult to do than simply to watch, and Spencer snorted a laugh at his attempt. "Hey, lay off."

"Like this." Ben showed him which way it went after watching his mom do it countless times.

"Oh, my God." Spencer snickered at her…their son showing him how the buckle went. "Here, let me show you." She stepped into his personal space and showed him the proper way to buckle their baby in. She was proud of herself for finally not having to correct her brain again, and she hoped the rest of the day went as smoothly.

* * *

Caleb called Blackbush Technology and let them know he was accepting the job opportunity. He'd start next week after he was moved and settle in the apartment. He watched Spencer play peek-a-boo with their son on the bed as he told the movers in Rosewood to come tomorrow at seven. He wasn't sure he was going to take the job, but he was sure he was leaving Rosewood. Now he had the perfect reason to.

"Who wants to get ice cream?"

Spencer lowered her hands and smirked at him. "You already know we do."

"Then why are we hanging around here?"

He tossed his bag into the backseat of Spencer's car, Spencer asked if he had a car alongside the movers, and he confirmed that he did. He had been bused here at the expense of the company, and he left his car to be shipped. He could afford it. It was better than getting back on that bus, going back into Rosewood, back to where sympathy owned him like a bitch. Yeah, he'd rather just have it shipped.

* * *

"Don't tell him that." Spencer swatted at Caleb with a napkin, trying to keep her ice cream cone on its cone and keep her son from discovering how highly competitive she used to be. She'd outgrown it in time and with distance from Melissa. Now and then she came for a visit, and they would spark a game for sport and take it a bit too far, but that was all. It was sisterly fun. Well, Hastings sisterly fun. "That speaks ill of me. Don't tell him that story."

He laughed and dodged her napkin. "What else could I tell him?"

"Hey, that's just flat out rude."

Benji was giggling at the sight of his parents acting like children. "Tell me another story."

"Another one?" Caleb hmmed and reached into the deep recesses of his mind to think of an appropriate story to tell his son. He loved thinking that word—son. He was grateful to have this chance with. He would do whatever Spencer asked to keep close to his son. This was the biggest regret of this life, and he wouldn't neglect his duty any further. He would be a good father, a good man, and he started a both today.

He thought of a story to tell his son about his mother that would make him laugh, and he was rewarded with a chocolate-stained giggle. He couldn't help but smile back as Spencer licked her cone and tried to hide her smile at his storytelling, and he wiped off his son's messy mouth, knowing it'd only happen again, but still. It felt like the fatherly thing to do.

Once their ice cream was gone, Spencer suggested they head over to the park to play and burn off the sugar from the ice cream. Spencer crouched down and gripped Benji's hand, whispering in his ear and suggesting he take a hold of his father's hand. He shook his head no, not yet, and she nodded. It was entirely up to him. He was still learning about the stranger he would learn to call Dad.

They strolled down the chalk-covered walkway, dodging rogue balls and Frisbees, moving closer and closer to the playground side of the park. Once they arrived at the playground, Ben took off like a shot for his favorite slide, and Spencer hollered after him to stay close. Naturally she and Caleb moved to be standing nearby, exactly at the end of the slide to keep an eye on their son.

"So…you're in this?" Spencer inquired, eyeing him, trying to read him. "Completely in this?"

"Yeah, Spence, I am. How many times do I have to say it?"

"Until I feel satisfied with the answer." She crossed her arms. "He knows about you now, so there can be no backing out."

"I'm not going to back out. I'm here, Spence, and I don't plan on going anywhere. My work is here, my son is here, and I am here. For as long as he wants me."

She nodded. "Do you know what to do when he has a tantrum?"

"What? No. Why and how would I know that?"

"Do you know how to sooth a scrape? Or…how to lower a fever?" She searched his face. "Do you have any idea what kind of bandages he likes? Or if he likes baths with bubbles or no bubbles?"

"Spence, I've been in his life all of five minutes. How can you expect me to answer any of those questions?"

"But you want to answer them, right?"

"Of course. I'd like to know how to sooth a tantrum, which bandage to apply to cut, what bubbles to or not to add, and yes, I'd like to know how to lower a fever should he get sick when he's with me." He sighed. "I am fucking in this, Spencer, and nothing you say or do will make me leave."

"You're not the father," she deadpan remarked. He blinked and stammered, trying to come up with a rebuttal to her statement, and she busted out laughing, pointing at his face. "Oh, my God, that was priceless!"

"You are so not funny, Hastings."

"Please, I am hysterical." She gestured to their son who ran back around to the steps to slide down again. "I have him to vouch for me."

"He came out of you. He hardly counts." He paused and met her eyes. "I know you want him to like me, but you don't have to try so hard."

"Hmm?" She peeked at him, pretending to not understand.

"The laughter. It's a nice touch, but you don't need to try and make him like me. I'll get there on my own, and I'll make you laugh on my own, too. Okay?"

"Mmm." She pressed her lips together and didn't say anything else.

"I know you can hear me." When she said nothing, he tucked his hands into his pockets and stepped back when Ben came shooting out of the slide. "Easy, Ben, okay?"

"Never!" He ran back to the steps.

"Yeah, Caleb," Spencer lifted her leg one after the other to remove her shoes and held them out to him along with her purse, "never."

"What are you doing?"

"I…am going to embrace my inner child." She grinned at him and dashed after her son. "Get back here, you little cookie monster."

"Ah, no!" He laughed and avoided her wriggling fingers.

"Get back here. I demand payment. This is my bridge, and I shall have my dues." She crouched and scurried after him like a spider catching an escaping fly, and she caught him at the slide. "A-ha! Mine, mine, mine." She attacked his sides, and he giggled and squealed, trying to escape to slide. "Never, never, never. These limbs are mine."

He wriggled and writhed and managed to escape, gripping the slide and positioning himself to slide down. He glanced back as his mom came at him and threw himself down, blowing by the different hues of the slide until his dad came into view. He ran and hid behind him.

"She's coming. She's coming! Look out!" He was panting and little fingers gripped Caleb's pant leg. "Whoa!"

Spencer came whooshing out of the slide, landing on her ass at the bottom but missing not even a single beat in hopping up and attacking Benji. She chased him around Caleb until Ben called for help, and Caleb tried not to awkwardly cut in, but Ben asked for him specifically on the second go.

"Caleb, help!"

Caleb waited until Spencer was about to pass his arm and grabbed her waist carefully, however; at the speed she was running at, he only managed to know them down into the mulch. He landed on his back with Spencer lying across his waist, and Ben giggled and jumped onto his mom's back to join the dogpile. Caleb was sure something was dislocated with his organs, and Spencer was panting and Benji just kept giggling with delight. Kid was a sadist.

"Hey, watch it, Rivers." She swiped hair out of her face. "Or I might have to eat you next time."

"I recall a time when I liked that," he dryly mused, certain now that he would have bruises.

"You like to be eaten?" Benji exclaimed. "No, it's bad. She attacks your face with kisses and chews on your limbs."

"I _devour_ limbs," Spencer corrected. "And only if I don't have my morning cuppa."

"That's true." Benji nodded and wrapped his arms around his mom's shoulders. "I wanna piggyback ride, Mommy."

"Can you get off me now?" Caleb wheezed.

"Oh, sorry." Spencer scrambled to her feet, minding how her son rested against her back, and she grasped his legs with her arms and give him that piggyback ride. "You good, Caleb?"

"No, just leave me where to die." He squinted up at her and grinned. "Help me up?"

"I'm the girl. Isn't that your job?" She held her hand out nevertheless, and he accepted it, hauling himself up off the ground. "We gotta talk."

"We do." He lifted Benji off her back and directed him to the sandbox. "We'll be right there to join you."

"I wanted a piggyback ride."

"And I will give you an epic piggyback ride," Caleb vowed. "Under the stars, you and me."

He thought it over and nodded. "Hey, it's Riley!" He took off like a bullet towards his park buddy.

"Don't eat the sand," Spencer called after him and laced her fingers together, rocking side to side with a smile on her lips. Contented.

"Spence?"

"Hmm?" She looked over at him.

"You have mulch in your hair."

"Yeah, so do you." She lifted her hands up and shook her hair out, pulling it up into a tight bun. She then brushed her body down and suggested he do the same before collecting her shoes and purse and sitting down at a bench. "Mmm, back to our conversation. Right. Where were we?"

"Somewhere between boo boos and bubble baths." He sat beside her after a good shimmy-shimmy-shake of his clothes and hair.

"Right." She slipped her shoes back onto her feet and turned to him. "We need to work out a custody schedule. Now that you'll be living in town, you have every right to see him as often as possible. What days would you say work best for you?"

"Oh, um…I don't know my work schedule yet, but if it's my pick then…why not divide it right down the middle? We can use Wednesday as a tradeoff day, and you can decide which side you want. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, or Thursday, Friday, Saturday."

"Oh, three—three days a week?" She swallowed with difficult and felt like the park just shrank around her. "Mmm."

"It's three and a half." He studied her face and saw how much she hated the idea. "Spence, I know it's a lot to ask. I came out of nowhere, and I'm demanding half of his time, but I have that right. He's mine, too."

"Yeah—yes, of course, he's yours, too, but Caleb, come on. Three and a half days with my son? He—he doesn't know you. He's… You are a stranger to him, and I feel we ought to ease him into spending time with you."

"Spencer…." He heaved a sigh. "You can't have him all the time to yourself."

"I'm not trying not."

"Yes, you are."

"Well, fine—I am—because he's mine. He's mine, and I—I don't like you coming into our lives, interrupting what I've spent years building, and—" she stopped herself at the look painting across his features. "Caleb, I'm sorry. I just don't know how to include you in our lives."

"Maybe I don't…." He shook his head. "No, let's take it slow. Why not give me the weekends? You work a basic nine to five shift every day, and you can have the nights with him."

Fucking ouch. She tried not to let her disappointment show, because they had to start somewhere, and this was the beginning for that somewhere. It hurt her soul physically, but she had to compromise. She had to. "That sounds great."

"And…maybe we can both have him next Saturday."

"What's next Saturday?"

"You don't know?" He grinned. "Every sixty years there's a meteor shower?"

"Oh, right, the Perseid meteor shower. I completely forgot about that." She smiled at him. "We'd love to watch it with you."

"Great." He held his hand out. "Let me see your phone. I'll give you my number so we can keep in touch."

She unzipped her purse and dug it out, unlocking it and handing it over. "I'm going to join him and Riley so I can truly soak in the park experience."

"You'll be shaking sand out of your shorts all week."

"Try all month." She turned to walk backwards and flashed a grin at him. "I'll leave you a trail in case we get separated."

He chuckled and opened her contacts, adding himself. He closed out of her contacts and saw her background picture for her home screen was of her and Benji. It was recent, the two of them crouched down in front of her fireplace, holding a turtle with huge smiles. It was in a classroom setting, he could tell by the tiled floor, so it was likely the Rosewood swim team's turtle. Or something to that effect.

He glanced up as Spencer and Ben made a sandcastle, and he contemplated sending the background photo to himself. He wanted at least one recent picture of the two of them, but he realized quickly all he had to do was step forward, and he'd have one. So he did. He approached them as they built their wonky sandcastle and pulled his phone out.

"Hey, baby, look." Spencer pointed to Caleb, who was readying his camera, and she smiled. "Smile, baby."

"Cheese!" He showed every tiny tooth in his head.

Caleb laughed and took the picture, looking down at the result and finding it perfect. "It's a good one. Here." He showed it to them both.

"It's perfect." Spencer wrapped her arms around her messy little boy. "Right?"

"Eh." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Eh? All I get is eh?" Caleb knelt down in front of him. "C'mon, I'm your dad. Dad deserves more than eh."

He pressed his lips together and tilted his head to the side. "Eh."

Spencer snickered. "It's all you're gonna get, Dad."

"Apparently so." He saved the photo to his phone and smiling.

"How is our castle?" Ben inquired, motioning to the lumps of sand that honestly didn't look like a castle.

"Eh," Caleb replied with a smirk.

"Eh?" Ben picked up a handful of sand and shucked it at his dad, and thus began a sand war nobody walked away from clean.

* * *

By the time they returned to Spencer's house, they all needed to be cleaned. Spencer offered to drop Caleb off at his hotel room, but he called a cab to take him home. He had a lot to get squared away, but first his son needed a bath. Every time he ruffled those chestnut locks, sand flew out enough to supply a beach, so he'd stick around for that much. Bubbles or no bubbles, right?

Spencer filled the tub with water and soap, and Caleb made a note of it. She began to remove her shirt and pants, and he had to remind her he was still in the house.

"Oh, right." She didn't stop removing her first layer, leaving her in a tank top. "You've seen it before, and I need a bath, too. Besides…it's easier on the water bill."

"Then I should let myself out."

"Good idea. I was about to suggest it myself, but I thought it'd come off as rude." She smiled at him. "He had fun today, you know."

"He did?"

She nodded. "You're doing a good job, Rivers, keep it up."

He smiled proudly to himself then dared to ask, "How are we doing?"

She exhaled deeply through her mouth and answered honestly, "I'm still angry. I'm trying to pretend that I'm not, for his sake, but it's difficult."

"Yeah, I know."

"I was vulnerable and really needed you. There was no one else in the entire world who could have filled your role, but Toby has tried. Emily, too. Aria and Melissa are the queens of aunts, but…it wasn't enough. I needed _you_, and you vanished. It's going to take more than a play date to make it right."

He nodded. "I'll try my best to make it right."

"I know." She tossed her blouse into the laundry hamper and stepped forward. "Get home safely, Caleb, and thank you again for today. I—um, we look forward to watching the meteor shower with you."

"Right, and I'll be by around seven to pick up Ben this Saturday. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's good." She nodded. "I'll see you then."

Caleb stepped out of the bathroom and headed to Ben's room to say goodbye, and Ben was walking around his room in his big boy underwear. He noticed the boy had many beauty marks all over his body, just like Spencer, and there was a birthmark against his right shoulder blade. It was in a shape Caleb had never seen a birth mark in before, but it only made him more special.

"Hey, Ben?" He knocked on the door frame, and Ben turned to look at him. "I'm about to head out. I just wanted to come by and say good night."

"Oh." He met him halfway and put his hands on his hips before stating, "You hurt my mommy."

Caleb crouched down and nodded. "In the past, I did. I didn't mean to, but I can't call it an accident."

"Don't do it again, or…I'll hurt you back."

He tried not to smile at his son threatening him, but it was the most challenging smile repression he had to make to date. "I vow to never hurt Spencer or you ever again. You're the only family I have, and I will do right by you. Do you understand that?"

He nodded. "I do."

"Good, because I…I love you, Benji." His eyes misted over, and he held his hand out for Ben to grasp, which he surprisingly did, and Caleb pulled him even closer. "I'm going to be the best dad I can be for you."

"Well, you're the only one I have."

"That's right, and I'm here now. If you need anything—anything—let me know, and I'll be there."

He nodded again. "I'm itchy."

Caleb laughed. "That would be the sand."

"I know." He swung their connected hands. "Could you take me to the bathroom?"

"Of course." He stood up and gripped his hand, escorting him to the bathroom where Spencer was down to her undergarments, and Caleb averted his eyes to keep from staring. "I'll see you on Saturday, okay, buddy?"

"Why not sooner?" He frowned.

"He's got to work." Spencer shut the water off once the tub was almost at level and sat down on the edge of it. "But you have me until you see him again."

"Can we have dinner?" Ben asked Caleb. "Please?"

"I don't know. I haven't worked out my work schedule yet, but I'll try." He searched his son's face. "Why not this Friday? I can come by and bring some Thai food. Or—make something."

"I'll text you with what you should get," Spencer answered, "for both of us."

"Okay." He smiled at his son. "I'll see you Friday then."

"Get home safely." Spencer stood up. "You ready for the bath, baby?"

He nodded. "Yeah, do you have Elian?"

"Yes, I do." She picked up a rubber elephant and squeaked it. "It's all ready when you are."

He turned back to his father and smiled. "Good night, Caleb."

"Good night, Ben."

He ran over to his mom, who scooped him up and held him close, and he watched his dad leave. He wasn't sure how he felt about his dad, but he was glad to have him around. He hadn't seen his mommy smile like this in a long while. Maybe everything was looking up.


	8. Let It BreAthe

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**_

* * *

Spencer woke up to the sound of her phone beeping, and she rolled over to see what the commotion was, finding a series of emojis in a nonsensical order. She was too exhausted to make sense of it and turned her phone off, glancing over at her son, who had asked to spend the night with her. She smiled and cuddled up with him.

She was about to drift off to sleep when she realized the number that reached out to her was unknown. She slowly sat back up and looked over her shoulder at her blank screened cell phone, picking it up and turning it back on. Inputting the password and waiting for it to come to life, she tapped her nail against the back of the case until her phone screen was revealed. She went into her texts and found no new messages.

"What the fuck?" she whispered and shook her head. Sure, she was tired, but not this tired. She saw the emojis and the lack of words. She even knew which emojis were used, and it wasn't a PTSD dream. It was real. Her phone buzzed, and she… she saw it. It wasn't a spill over from her dream. It wasn't.

She pulled up Caleb's information and sent him a text asking him to meet her for lunch later. If anyone could trace a self-deleting text, it would be him. After sending the text and getting a very grouchy reply—it was four in the morning, so completely justified—she went back to cuddling her son and sleeping.

When she woke the second time, it was time to start the day. She woke Ben and told him to go brush his teeth and dressed. They would have breakfast and start their day out with some yoga or meditation or whatever Alicia did with him on Fridays that he loved.

She climbed down the stairs with Ben and headed to the kitchen to make some smoothies, finding him going to the living room to pull out his mediation CD. She smiled at how into this little schedule he was and pulled out fresh fruit, yogurt and granola. She plugged in the blender and prepared their strawberry kiwi granola smoothies while he stretched and did some "karate" he'd seen once in the original Karate Kid Aria had shown him when she was over here last month. Spencer was tempted to enroll him in some classes when he was bigger, because he wasn't half bad, and learning some self-defense wasn't the worst skill to have in the world.

"Here, baby, your breakfast." She ensured it was fully blended and added his favorite crazy straw, sitting down on the step between the kitchen and the living room. "Cheers."

He clinked his cup with hers. "Cheers."

They drank up, Spencer flipped the CD to the fourth song while Ben rolled out the meditation blanket, which doubled as a shared yoga mat, and they moved to their usual sides as the Cello Suite In G major seeped from the speakers and inside the space between them. They inhaled deeply to fill every inch of their lungs, holding it deep for five counts them releasing it and lowering themselves into a sitting position to mediate.

This helped with Spencer's PTSD. She could sit and focus on the music and her son's soft breathing and know everything was going to be all right. Nothing could penetrate them, and they were escaping from the world for twenty glorious minutes of music. They were free to float and think and debate, and nothing could touch them. They were two beings breathing as one, and it chased off the loneliness Spencer felt. Benjamin's breathing chased off the fear and the thought of eyes on her. His occasional whispers when his mind was too full brought a smile to her lips and grounded her. It was just the two of them, and no one was going to come in between them.

* * *

When their session was over, Spencer was sleepy, and Benji wanted to see Alicia. She checked the time to see it was nearly eleven, which was close to noon, so she decided to call Caleb and ask him to lunch early. Brunch was an important meal, too, and who didn't love French Toast? Honestly, she wasn't too hungry at the thought of a self-destructing text message, but she had to keep her energy up. She had a three-year-old who loved to play.

Alicia showed up thirty minutes later, having to walk and feed her dog and having to deal with some personal issues prior to babysitting. Spencer didn't mind. They watched some Paw Patrol and munched one some halved grapes. It was a good little snuggle session before she was off to see Caleb.

"I'll have him tucked him for his nap an hour after lunch, and then I can prepare dinner for you both, if you want," Alicia offered.

"That'd be great." Spencer slipped her foot into her ankle boot and adjusted the tassel on the zipper. "I really appreciate you being here for us right now. It means a lot."

"It's a transition," Alicia nodded, "and you both need time to process it. I'm fine with working a changing schedule."

"You're so sweet." She collected her purse and shouldered it. "I'll see you after lunch, okay?"

"Have fun."

The drive to Caleb's apartment was quick, and Spencer took the elevator instead of the stairs, patiently waiting for it to arrive on the fourth floor and stepping off. She looked for 4-C and found it at the end of the hall. There were only five rooms per floor, so she expected a spacious area once he'd let her inside, and she wasn't wrong.

The living room was wide and open with large windows to overlook the park just across the street, a fireplace rested with a huge flat screen overtop it, and there were already furnishings in the apartment. Lovely black leather couches and matching ottomans. A mahogany coffee table with vines engraved up the legs and twisting around the edges. An elegant rug lay across the marbled floor, and it really brought in the whole room with its warm red and gold design.

And to the left of the apartment was the kitchen and a staircase that lead to the upstairs bedrooms, bathroom and roof access. The apartment itself came with a laundry room downstairs across from the free gym, and a built-in Blackbush Java shop. There was an indoor pool and outdoor pool, and there was ample parking. It was a dream apartment, if such a one existed for Caleb. She'd have to ask, but this was a real winner. Ben was going to love it. He may never actually want to come home again. Hell, if the pool was heated, she may never want to go home again.

"Wow, Caleb, it's incredible." She minded the boxes lying around and turned to face him with a smile on her face. "There's so much space. You can put an office right here in the living room. It'd be so much easier to keep an eye on Benji that way. Trust me, you'll want to keep all eyes on him. I tried to give him space once, and he ended up caught in between fence bars."

"Oh, my God, Spence."

"What? He's fine, isn't he?" After Uncle Toby and his tools came to the rescue, that was.

He nearly laughed at how coolly she'd said that. "Sure, he's fine." He scratched a hand through his hair and walked further into the living room. "So, what was so important you had to text me at four in the morning?" He sat against the back of the couch.

"I got a text." She pulled her phone out of her purse and tucked hair behind her ear, meeting his worried eyes.

"From who?" he swallowed, hoping he wasn't going to get the answer he knew he was going to get.

"An unknown number." She approached him and handed her phone over. "But it was full of animal emjios, and no signature."

He accepted the phone and looked over the messages on display. "I don't see anything like that in your history."

"I know. I turned my phone off to avoid it waking me up before my alarm, and when I went back to read it, it was gone."

"Spence—"

"No, don't take that tone with me. I am not crazy. I know what I saw, and yes, I was tired. It was an exhausting day, but I was conscious enough to know I did receive a text, and it was gone two or three minutes later."

He searched her eyes to find her pleading with him to believe her. After all they'd been through, of course he believed her. There was seldom anyone else in the world he would believe more than her. "Okay."

"Thank you." She weakly smiled at him and rubbed her arms. "Can you find out where it came from?"

"I can try." He pushed off the couch and caught her hand on her elbow. "I'll do everything I can, all right? Leave it to me."

She nodded. "Thank you, Caleb."

"And no one here think you're crazy."

"You're the only one here."

"Then I know what I'm talking about." He smirked at her, and she wearily laughed. "C'mere, I made some coffee. You look like you need a cup."

"That's sweet." She followed him into the kitchen. "How big are your coffee cups?"

"Pretty average, but we can make it work." He pulled down two white mugs and set them on the counter. "How hard was it to keep off caffeine when you were pregnant?"

"So hard." She leaned against the island. "I used to inhale my mother's coffee until she was too grossed out to drink it." She laughed at the memory. "I did the same thing to Melissa, and the bitch started drinking caffeinated teas in the morning."

"What, not the same buzz?" He laughed.

"Not even close." She tossed on leg up behind her, the tip of her boot pressing against the wood floor, and she exhaled deeply. "I'm not worried, by the way."

"Oh?" He poured coffee into each mug and set hers in front of her on the island. "You're not?"

"I'm jumpy and skittish, but not worried." She picked up the coffee cup and brought it to her lips. "That probably says something traumatic about me, but it wouldn't be the first time."

"Or the second," he grimly added then swallowed, the phone in his pocket not as lightweight as it should have been. "What if it is something to worry about?"

"Then…I have a panic attack in my office and scream into the night like a wild banshee." She sipped the coffee and lifted her brows. "Then we leave the country."

"We?"

"Well, yeah. The three of us could start over. Maybe go back to Madrid, or…Morocco. We can raise our son on the cultures of the people we encounter, and you can teach him all the tech while I home school him on everything else. You could build a laptop out of coconuts and clams shells, using hamster power to fuel it." She smiled at him and couldn't help but laugh. "It sounds like a dream, but I've considered it."

"What, traveling to the furthest corners of the world with only me and our son?"

"Scratch you, but yes."

"I'd say that's harsh, but you've had every reason to scratch me."

She continued to smile at him. "I did, but you're proving yourself. Little by little. It means a lot. This meteor shower trip? Ben's thrilled."

"You will be too. I've booked a surprise for you." He splayed his hands out on the island. "Well, for all of us, but it'll be great."

"Ooh, a surprise? Already?" She dropped her foot back to the floor and leaned over towards him. "Do I get any hints?"

"No, you'll just have to wait until the day of. Make sure you can get it off, please."

"Of course." She studied his face. "Is it a hotel room? So we can spend the whole night together? You know, as a family."

"Spence, stop with the guessing. I won't tell." Though that was alarmingly close. "Just drink your coffee."

"I can't do black coffee right now. Do you have any cream?"

"I have milk."

"That works." She slid by him and opened the refrigerator door, pulling out the milk and adding it to her coffee. "Do you want some?"

"No, black's fine for me."

"All right." She replaced the milk carton in the fridge and returned to her coffee. "When do you think you'll be done with my phone?"

"As soon as I unpack my computer and analyze it."

"Caleb, I am a mother. I need my phone. I can't wait around while you dig through box after box. If my son needs me, I need to be able to get into contact with him or his babysitter."

"I know. It's in my car. I'll run down and get it." He paused. "But if you want to help me unpack while I'm working on your phone, that'd be great."

"I'm sorry, but when did I become a moving service?" She lowered her cup of coffee with a smirk on her lips. "I'd rather just watch."

"The last time you wanted to watch, I could small cheeseburger on your breath. I doubt the coffee smells much better."

"Fine. I'll rearrange your living room and make some adjustments to this kitchen."

"What's wrong with my kitchen?"

"Oh, how adorable." She pinched his chin and laughed when he glared. "It's drab, Caleb. You need a splash of color."

"I have…no color, actually. Most of my decorations are gray and black." He did need to branch out, especially with a child who would be living here part-time. He would have to invest in some colorful artwork and some coloring pads. He needed more kids' toys, too. He only had was his computer, which he wouldn't sit his son down in front of for YouTube videos, so he needed to go shopping. "Do…you maybe want to go shopping with me? Once I finish with your phone, I mean."

"If you weren't going to ask, I was going to steal your credit card and go myself."

"You'd steal from me?"

"For the benefit of our son?" She drank her coffee to think it over and nodded. "Unquestionably."

"Spicy today." He shook his head and took another drink of coffee. "Ok, I'm going to run down to my car and get my laptop. Make yourself at home."

"So…I can snoop?" She pressed her lips together in an attempt for an innocent smile.

"Yes, there's very little here but be my guest."

"Yes." She took off like a shot towards the staircase to see the second level. It was as impressive as the first, with its glass railing and ledge that overlooked the living room. There were four doors and a built-in supply closet with glass French doors. It was small but useful. The other rooms starting from the door on the right at the top were a guest bedroom, which was completely empty, a full bath, solo access to the roof, and the master bedroom, which was fully furnished in different hues of silver. How…bleak.

"Wow." She ran her fingers over the silk sheets and clicked her tongue. The sheets were impressive, as was the desk in the corner with what had to the latest and greatest in desktop computer technology. Or it would be once Caleb built it. It was still currently in pieces, but she knew a computer when she saw one. It would be perfect for him.

The front door closed loudly, she looked over her shoulder and stepped back into the hall, approaching the doors that lead to the roof. She padded up the staircase and opened the last door to be standing on the pebble-covered roof. She was nearly knocked back by a gust of wind, it gathered up her hair and blew it and her clothes back. She laughed at how warm it felt against her skin and closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the city and the park around her. They were distant and calming oddly enough. She loved it.

She stepped out onto the path free of pebbles and imagined a lovely garden up here. It'd be perfect. There was so much space for a garden and lawn chairs and maybe a tiny pond. It'd be a lot of work—a lot of money—but it'd be lovely. Maybe a project for her. She was into design. She did the entire loft. She could redo this entire space, if Caleb wanted her to. He might enjoy his rock paradise, though she wouldn't until she asked—and she would be asking, because holy crap, how gorgeous could this area be!

She ambled over to the edge of the building and saw Caleb reentering, and she leaned back, surveying the city at its afternoon hours and finding herself falling a bit more in love with it. She had come here with the intentions of building herself up and away from Hastings and Hastings, to grow out from the shadow of her parents and become an individual who would be remembered as Spencer Jill Hastings, not Veronica and Peter's daughter, not Melissa's little sister. She came here to do so with her son, and maybe it wasn't going as planned exactly as she had planned, but it was going. She had to remember that.

She inhaled the afternoon air and lowered herself onto the ground, sitting down on the cool cement. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped an arm around them. She had plenty to consider about remaining in or departing from Blackbush and Hart, but she would go over every piece of evidence before she came to a decision. It was the least she could do for the company that had treated her so well over the past three years. She would give it time and decide accordingly, although she had more than one reason to remain, and one of them was shuffling about downstairs trying to figure out what happened to the text she'd received.

Spencer lingered outside for about ten more minutes then joined Caleb in the kitchen, sitting beside him with a _Well?_ look on her face. "Any news?"

"Yeah, the text was sent through an app using self-destruction software." He showed her his screen. "It was on a timer from the minute you opened it."

"Why? Who would do that?" She already knew the answer, but she had hope he found more out from the sender. "Do you know who send it? Or where it came from?"

"No, there's nothing to trace it back to. I've been trying, but they knew what they were doing." He glanced over at her. "Like a certain figure we both know."

"She's not a figure anymore. Her name is Charlotte, and she's in prison for what she did to us. She can't have possibly have done this."

"I don't know, Spence… If it smells like A and acts like A, it's probably A." He searched her eyes. "Or one of her lackies."

"No, no, I am not reliving this." She snatched her phone from the table. "It's not her. It's not A. It's just…a mistake."

"Spencer, this wasn't a mistake. Someone is trying to harass you, and they're doing a damn good job. I can't retrieve the text data, and I can't locate where it came from. All I know are the basics, because I've lived with this for years, just like you."

"No, not just like me." Her voice broke, and she stomped a foot down heel first. "You—you weren't targeted as much as me and the girls were. You weren't constantly under watch. You weren't kidnapped and betrayed and tortured beyond worry for your girlfriend."

"Which was torture—both times." He stood up. "Spencer, you can't do this? I can't do this. We have a child who A could come after. Attack or—or worse, kill. A is dangerous, and if they are connected to Charlotte, they could want revenge for your statements keeping her in prison. Charlotte was well-connected, and she might still be. People like her don't reform themselves. They only pretend to, to benefit their situation. It only backfired, and I bet she's pretty pissed. They're pretty pissed."

"It's been _three_ years, why do this now? Why start this game up again now?"

"Why not?"

She shook her head no. "Caleb, don't do this."

"What? Be honest? Be realistic? Our lives have never been our own. They've always belonged to some asshole who sees herself as a higher power; and yes, we did reclaim most of that power, but maybe someone else is trying to come in and take it back."

"Caleb… I really can't relive my teenage years. I can't finally be free of her just for her to come back into our lives again and again. I can't live like this. My son cannot live like we have lived! With lies an—and secrets and danger and on the edge at all times because there is no way out!" She was screaming at him with tears in her eyes and a quiver in her words, and she couldn't stand it. She couldn't do this again. She had too much to lose, and she would not do this again. "Caleb, I—"

He pulled her into his arms and hushed her thoughtfully, burying her face in his shoulder and assuring her she wasn't going to do this alone. They would handle this as best they could, and when they had proof, they would contact the police. The same one who handle the Charlotte case, and it would be dealt with. They wouldn't make the same mistakes of the past. They couldn't, not with their son in their lives.

"Why me?" Spencer whimpered against his shoulder, shuddering. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"We don't know that it's just you. We can contact the girls, see if they've gotten similar messages, and if they have then we'll deal with it accordingly." He stroked her hair. "It'll be okay. I promise I won't let anything happen to you or Ben. Not like before."

"I'm scared."

"I know, but you're not alone, remember that." He pulled back to view her face and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "You're not alone, and I'm here for you."

She nodded and snuffled.

They took a moment to calm her down, her PTSD flaring up and causing unwanted memories to flutter through her mind, and Caleb made her some tea while she practiced the breathing exercising her therapist had encouraged her to use to manage through an attack. She curled up on the couch and trembled now and again but had regained her composure. She wasn't one hundred percent back, but she would manage.

"Here." He set the cup down on the coffee table. "It's some herbal tea Toby left behind. I guess the movers packed everything."

She laughed weakly. "It's actually an herbal infusion tea. I was on a tea kick when I was pregnant, and Toby was there for me, so we drank them all together."

"God, then you probably shouldn't drink that."

She laughed naturally now. "It's fine. I still have some canisters of it at home. It doesn't expire until 2020. We're not quite there yet." She glimpsed at him. "What are we going to do if we contact the others, and they've gotten the same messages?"

"I told you, we'll deal with it." He reached over and grasped her hand. "If it's a copycat, we'll get the proof, turn it over the police and continue to raise our son."

"And if it's not that simple? If there's more than one?"

"We'll deal with them, too, because we're not raising our son around the same violence and lies and deaths that we were raised around." He laced his fingers through hers and attempted a smile. "We will rise above, okay? We always do."

"Do you know how much we lost rising above?"

"We aren't kids anymore."

"All that means is these aren't kiddy games." She met his eyes. "If this escalates…I don't want to see the results."

"We won't. For all we know, you're right, and this was a mistakenly sent text. For all we know it isn't a copycat A. We'll figure it out."

"I'll call Aria if you call Emily."

"Why do I have to call Emily?"

"Because." She challenged, "Sparia."

"That isn't an answer, and that's a terrible name."

"See, you don't get it." She pulled her hand from his and collected her phone from off the table. "Call Emily but be discrete. We don't know if this person has messaged them or not." She dialed the familiar number of her best friend, and she was answered by the second ring.

"_Hey, Spence, what's up_?"

"Not much. I just thought I'd call and tell you Caleb is back in town."

That sparked an entire conversation in itself, Spencer had to take it into the kitchen to keep Caleb from hearing her honest opinion about him, and Aria was ready to give him a piece of her mind. She had an entire speech at the ready, and she wanted to hear Caleb apologize to her, too, because him bailing affected her and Emily and Toby. She had words for his vagabond ass, and she was going to come down there and give them to him. She had a trip planned before the beginning of the school year to come down and see Benji Bear.

So, by the time Spencer got around to asking if Aria had gotten any strange text messages lately, Aria was fully focused on the conversation and missed nothing.

"_How do you mean, weird? Like A weird, or spam weird?_" She paused. "_Is there more to why you called me than Caleb?_"

"What? No, of course not." She twisted hair around her finger and cleared her throat, dropping the strands. "I'm just wondering if you got that weird four am text this morning. It was totally spam, but it woke me up. I wanted to know if you got it, too, because Caleb did."

"_Oh_." A beat. "_No. I slept through the night. No messages_."

"It must have been a Blackbush area only then. We work through the same company, and they might have sent it to us as…a joke or an offer. I didn't really catch a glimpse of it. I was too exhausted."

"_Oh, God, you two work together too?_" She sounded disgusted, like there was a hair in her veggie burger, and Spencer wanted to hug her.

"Not in the same building, but through the same company. Blackbush and Hart and Blackbush Technology are owned by the same group of people." She tapped her fingernails on the counter. "And don't be so hard on Caleb. He is trying."

"_Good. It's only three years too late."_

"It's not too late, not for Ben."

"_For me it is. If he wants to apologize to you, he needs to apologize to all of us. Don't get me wrong; I adore Benji Bear with all my heart. He's like my own, but Caleb has a ton of making up to do_."

"I concur. I never said he didn't."

"_Good, because if he's making googly eyes at you and you fall for it, I am going to kick your ass, Hastings_."

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody is making eyes at anybody." She looked at the kitchen door to ensure Caleb was still on the phone with Emily. "We're just…parents."

"_And stay parents with pants on and in place_," she huffed. "_Seriously, Spencer, he's already hurt you once. I can't let him live if he does it again."_

"Jesus, Aria, you are tiny but mighty."

_"Damn straight. Nobody does to you what he did and lives to tell the tale. Were it not for Benji, I'd drive down and give him a piece of my mind. And trust me, I wouldn't stop there_."

"I know, and I love you for it, but please, just…try and make peace with him. I believe he's here for good now, and I don't want anything or anyone to chase him off."

"_If he truly is there for good, a little bit of me wouldn't chase him off_."

That was true, and she couldn't fight that. "I have to go, Aria. Benji's with Alicia, and I'm trying to not use up her entire day off."

_"All right. Let me know how this works out, okay?"_

"You have my word."

"_I love you, Spence. Give Benji a million kisses from me._"

"Oh, just a million?"

_"Yeah, you're right. Make it a million and one."_

She laughed and shook her head. "Goodbye, Aria."

"_Bye_."

"Hey." Caleb entered from the living room and set his phone down on the counter beside Spencer's. "Em didn't get any suspicious texts, but she definitely wants to talk about how we're doing."

"How are we doing?" She peeked up at him.

"We're just finding our footing, Spence. What else can we ask for but ground?"

She nodded. "That's true. You're very wordy today." She straightened up and leaned against the counter. "I like it."

He smiled. "It's all my education paying off." She laughed. "Hey, don't knock it. I'm being serious."

"Of course you are." She turned to lean her back against the counter and hummed. "Why don't we do dinner over here? I'll help you unpack, and Ben can get to know you by the stuff you keep."

"That sounds great, but how do we keep him entertained?"

"Empty out a box, and he'll make a kingdom." She swiped her phone off the counter. "I'll have Alicia drop him off once he's had his after lunch nap, and in the meantime we can unpack."

"In those boots?"

"I've walked marathons in more," she mused, and he chuckled. "I'll be barefoot. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all, just don't drop anything. I don't have a first aid kit."

"I carry one in my purse—and you'll want to get one. You have a child now. They are walking accidents waiting to happen."

He nodded. "Why don't we run to the store first? Grab some crayons and markers for Ben. And a first aid kit."

"Pick up some groceries for dinner," she chimed in with a smile.

"Yeah, let's go. I'll drive." He collected his phone and moved for the front door. "I need to buy a car seat, too."

"Don't bother. I have a spare." She caught up to him on the way out the door.

"Why?"

"I was in a relationship with a guy, and we were pretty serious. He bought one for his car, and when we broke up, he gave it to me." She noted how quiet he became at the news and worried he might have feelings for her. She cleared her throat and asked, "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, of course not. I… I just wonder how many men and have in and out of his life before I stepped into the picture."

"Don't worry. I kept my slut status to a minimum."

"No, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know." She pressed the down arrow on the elevator. "And there were never any men in his life that he'll remember. Save for Toby."

"Uncle Toby," he corrected with a grin, "or so I hear."

"He might as well be Aunt Toby," she mused. "He fusses like one."

Caleb laughed. "That makes me happy."

"Yeah, makes me happy, too." She smiled with him.

"So, were you two…?"

"No, not since high school." She shook her head. "We're just friends. Very good friends."

He nodded. "I owe him…everything. All he's done for you and for our son, I can't repay that debt."

"You can by being actively present in our son's lives."

"Is it that easy?"

"Trust me, it won't be easy, but…yes, that all it'll take. Toby is easy to please when it comes to Ben." She crossed her arms. "You'll just have to own it."

"I intend to."

The elevator dinged as the doors parted, Spencer and he shared a smile before entering, and she pressed the parking garage option. They spoke more on the way down, Spencer felt comfortable with him and wondered if that meant her angry was gone or simply suppressed for the sake of their son. She couldn't be sure of the answer, and the elevator stopped before she could linger on it. They had a long day ahead of them, so why not question it later? Like when she was in bed and couldn't sleep due to the mystery message she'd been sent.

They piled into his car, Spencer suggested a local store to buy the crayons and markers in, and Caleb inquired how many people she knew in this little town. It wasn't unlike Rosewood, only more city in certain areas, and there were similar shops and bistros and such. It was cozy, and Spencer had enjoyed living here and raising her son here. There was little she questioned here. It all made sense to her in its own way. Although the Yakk Shack didn't go on that list.

"What the hell is the Yakk Shack?"

"Not to be confused with Yak Shack with one K," Spencer stated. "It looks like a mom and pop type store, but I've never been inside."

"Okay, we're definitely going in."

"Caleb, no. I don't want to."

"We're going in, and you'll just have to deal with it." He found a parking space outside the arts and crafts store. "C'mon, be brave, Spence."

"I got in the car with you, didn't I?" she grumbled and released her seat belt, slipping out of the car.

They crossed the street to Yakk Shack—yes, it was a wooden sign with engraved hay barrels and birds living in the A's, the K's and the C—and entered the store. It instantly smelled of old books but was warm and felt like coming in from the rain. Before them were rows of shelves filled with glass ombred ornaments to the left, shelves of tin cartons and little figurines to the right, and smack in the middle were homemade wooden products. Likely the cause of the old book smell.

"This is…"

"Retro?" Spencer offered in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Ben would love it." Spencer pointed out the baseball knick-knacks. "He loves baseball. He wants to join a little league team. I haven't thought about it in a long while, but I should look into it when he's older."

"Yeah, he's too small right now." Caleb looked over the wooden rocking chair and wondering how it would look in his living room. He always wanted a handcrafted rocking hair. He checked the price tag and laughed aloud.

"What?" She walked over him to him and looked over the price tag. "For a chair? What is it made it? Golden wood with a cashmere cushion?"

"The cushion is cashmere," a voice said from behind the counter and both of them jumped. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you kids."

"It's okay." Spencer rubbed the back of her neck to try and rub off the embarrassment of being caught saying such a thing. "It's a lovely chair, but too rich for our blood."

He nodded. "You'll find nothing better around here. You have my word on that."

"I'm sure."

Caleb remarked, "We're really just looking around. I just moved into town, and I wanted to get to know some of the local shops."

"That's nice of you." He smiled at the young man. "Your girlfriend showing you the ropes, eh?"

Spencer blushed. "Oh, it's not like that."

"Not like that, eh?" He shook his head with a disbelieving look in his eye. "I've seen you and that boy. He looks just like his father here."

"It's a complicated situation, I assure you." Spencer said this flatly and urged Caleb to follow her. "We ought to be going. I have to pick up some crafts from next door." She headed out the door.

"What a shame. Young people don't stay together anymore these days."

Caleb hovered by the doorway. "Guess not." He met Spencer in the arts and crafts shop, helping her pick out the crayons and markers and some notebook paper for him to draw in.

"Aww, crazy cats two," Spencer fingered the coloring book. "Better if it were dogs, but I'll take it."

"You want a dog?"

"God, no, but Ben does." She lifted a finger at him. "Do not buy him a dog for brownie points."

"I won't. Do I look like I have time for a dog?" He picked up the coloring book. "I'm buying."

"No, I can pay for it."

"He's our son, and you've bought him how many coloring books in the last year alone?" She thought it over to give him an actual answer, and he laughed. "I was joking, Spencer."

"I know, but it was only like twenty or so."

"My God, you are a freak, but it's cute." He headed over to the register and paid for the items in his basket.

She smiled to herself at his comment and thought back to one Aria had similarly made about her. She shook her head and waited for him by the door, seeing the cashier checking him out. She frowned and thought about him dating while he was. Bringing women into Ben's life, exposing him to potentially unsavory characters. At least with Hanna, Spencer knew what she was going to get. This new situation? Random chicks checking him out, asking him out, and if he said yes and got serious about someone, they would be the stepmother to her child.

She shivered and slipped outside to the warm August air and tried to wash away those thoughts. She didn't want to share her son, not with anybody else, but she was just learning to accept Caleb into the sharing circle. She couldn't include a girlfriend or fiancée or wife. She couldn't imagine trying to deal with a second mother to her baby boy. God, that made her sick to her stomach. Having to share motherhood? Absolutely fucking not.

"All right, I have the goods, now we need food." He brushed by her and caught her wrist gently on the way to tug her towards the car. "What sounds good? Thai food, like I mentioned? Or something homemade?"

"Mmm."

He frowned. "Spence?"

"Huh?" She lifted her eyes. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"What does?"

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?" She stepped off the curb and into his personal space, smelling the perfume of the saleswoman on him. It was cheap and powerful. Gross.

"Dinner: do you want take out, or do you want to cook something?"

"Um, let's cook something healthy. It's been junk-ish foods for the past couple of nights, so why not some grilled chicken with sautéed bell peppers over brown rice?"

"That sounds delicious to a three-year-old."

"He actually loves chicken in all its forms, so yeah." She bobbed her head with a smartass smirk on her lips. "Stop act like you know my son better than I do."

He leaned down. "_Our_ son."

She inhaled. "You know what I mean."

"I do, lucky for you."

"Lucky for me?"

"Or I'd be insulted." He leaned back and opened the driver's side door. "C'mon, let's go to Whole Foods or wherever you shop."

"Don't make it sound so pretentious."

"You shop at Whole Foods? Seriously?"

"Shut up and get in the car, Caleb."

They swung by the store on the way home, picking up the rather pricy meal Spencer picked out, and this time he didn't offer to pay. She didn't mind paying, so there was no fight, and they drove back to the apartment. Spencer called Alicia to have her drop Ben off and lock up the house, and Caleb unloaded the grocery bags.

"Open that bottle of wine, please." Spencer waited for Alicia to pick up the phone. "Let it breathe."

"Are you sure that's wise? I thought drinking alone was sad."

"I've grown up since then." She heard Alicia pick up. "Hey, Alicia, it's Spencer."

Caleb found the corkscrew and opened the bottle of wine she'd purchased, helping himself to a sip and finding it wasn't too bad. He wasn't a big wine drinker. He preferred beer, but maybe some wine now and then wouldn't hurt.

"Thank you so much. I'll see you in what? Twenty minutes? Thirty?" She nodded. "Okay. Bye."

"When do you want to eat? It's only three."

"We normally eat at six, so why don't we make some lunch? I am starving." She set her phone on the counter. "Do you have any food here?"

"Some basics. I went shopping the other day when I realized I had nothing for breakfast." He pointed her to the fridge and the walk-in pantry beside him. "Help yourself."

"Don't say that. I might get too comfortable."

"And the problem there is?"

There it was again. She wasn't sure if he was flirting, or if he was just easygoing about the topics. She wasn't sure how she felt if he was flirting, because it would make everything so must simpler. Honestly, it would be easier if they were a couple. They would be together and raise their son without any outside influences, without stepparents, without girlfriends or boyfriends. Without people coming and going from their lives and confounding Ben. It'd be just the three of them, happily together (until Ben was old enough to potentially push them away then it'd be the two of them).

However easier wasn't what she wanted. She was still mad with him over his decision to not reach out during her pregnancy or the years that followed. Caleb was a bright individual with access to a world of knowledge at his fingertips—and legs, if he tried to speak to Aria, Allison, or Emily—but he chose to do nothing for three years until a random encounter put him back into their lives. Who knew if he would have ever tried to reach out and make a desperate plea to her parents to tell him where she and his child were? She couldn't speak on it, but she wouldn't ask on it either, not anymore. She had already pushed his boundaries in that regard, and she didn't want to piss him off. He was proving himself, and she'd allow him to continue to prove himself until his debt was repaid, and there was nothing to worry about.

Until then she had to ask, "Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, my place is your place." He shrugged a shoulder. "I don't mind sharing when I have all this space, and it doesn't feel like home yet."

"No?"

"No." He lifted his eyes to hers. "But you feel like home."

She tried not to blush at that statement. It was said so coolly, nothing romantic was implied, and of course he added, "Well, you and Ben together. You alone feels like high school." And she had to laugh, because she had to.

"And with that mysterious message you received, it really feels like high school."

"Yeah, let's not relive high school." She drew closer to the fridge. "How about sandwiches for lunch? Do you have any chips?"

"Yeah." He closed out of his phone and helped her prepare lunch for the two of them. He made a shared plate of chips—paper plate, because he hadn't unpacked the ceramic ones yet—and Spencer made the sandwiches, cutting them in half and nearly removing the crust out of habit. She laughed when she told him what she'd just about done and reminded him to do so for Ben should he ever want a sandwich. He nodded and carried the chips and his sandwich over to the dining table, Spencer poured them two glasses of wine and brought them over with her sandwich.

"So," Spencer tucked her legs in under herself and helped herself to a chip, "where do we even start with unpacking?"

"I'd say the living room since Ben will be in there the most."

"What do you own in living room décor?"

"Not much. It was mostly going to be my furniture, but they supplied that. So now I have a guestroom with spare couches and no bed." He gestured down the hall to where the guest bedroom was. "I plan to make it Ben's room since it's on the first floor."

"That's smart." She nodded and met his eyes. "Are you and Toby still friends? I know you said you lived with him after the split with Hanna, but I have to wonder how you never found out about Benji. I mean, he's Uncle Toby."

"He made the same promise as the you and the girls made with Hanna—no words on you and yours. He wanted it to be my choice, and he didn't want me to be absent and live vicariously through him either." He bit his bottom lip and met her eyes. "I really wish I would have tried harder to get back to Benji. I can never be sorry enough."

She searched his eyes and slowly nodded. "I managed."

"You did, and that makes me insanely proud of you. I don't know that I could handle being a single parent to a newborn."

"You would have crumbled like wet tissue paper." He couldn't tell if she was joking or not, and she offered no hints, sipping her wine. "He had colic, and he is highly susceptible to earaches. He has allergies to shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts, and he just doesn't like the blues."

He smiled at that last one. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." She fingered the stem to her wineglass. "I honestly can't imagine you being in our lives when Ben was first born. If that sounds harsh, I'm sorry. I just…needed that time to bond with him, I suppose."

"Did that take long then? Bonding?"

She nodded. "I loved him at first sight, but…I felt distance between us for months. It was awful. I couldn't…connect with my child, and I honestly considered adoption for about a week."

"Wait, what?" His lips formed a deep frown, and he stared. "Why?"

"Because I would pick him up, and he'd cry. I'd look at him, and he'd cry. I'd hand him over to anyone else—and I mean, even _Melissa_—and he'd calm. He'd look at them , and he'd smile, and everything was all right. Hand him back to me, either his bowels or his mouth would open. It was a nightmare." The hospital had been idyllic, but the moment they were home, everything turned on its heel and shook up. It was terrible. She cried every day, and she relied on her parents so much so that Dad had to take time off just to help keep her sane. She and he bonded for the first time over something that wasn't shared cases or landing a client or the like. "I… I had really deep postpartum depression, and I sank, Caleb."

"I—I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I became a stronger person because of it—a stronger mother. I wouldn't trade most of it for the world." She smiled at him. "And I clearly didn't go with adoption."

"How far into adoption did it look?"

"Never tell Aria this, but Mom and I interviewed a couple parents. I just… I never connected with them too, so I went to my doctor. She suggested it might just be me, and for the most part, it was. I got medicated, and Mom helped me. She… She's a rock, Caleb, and I don't know how I would have survived without her."

"Remind me to send her flower's on Mother's Day," he mused, somewhat bitterly, ironically.

"Ditto." She drank from her cup and placed her feet back on the ground. "It only took me three months to connect with Benji. Once I was medicated and my body regulated itself, we found our rhythm."

"I noticed that, too. You two are very close."

"It's only been us." She hesitated. "Well, there was Mark."

"The serious boyfriend." He nodded his head. "I remember."

"We…dated for my first year here, and then we broke up. It was messy, but Benji was too young to remember him. I…still have some pictures, and I'll explain how good Mark was to us to him one day, but that's all."

He nodded again and bit into his sandwich. "Mmm."

"What do we do if we get involved with other people?" she whispered.

"What do you mean if?"

"Fine. When we get involved with other people, what do we do?"

"We'll be sure first if we want them in our lives and introduce them to him." He shrugged a shoulder. "Isn't that what other adults do?"

"I suppose." She tucked hair anxiously behind her ear. "How do we know what sure is?"

"Sure like you were sure about Toby," he suggested.

"I used to think Toby was A and a murderer. I don't think my sure meter is accurate." He snorted a laugh. "And why aren't you more concerned? I might marry someone one day, and you might be out ranked by a stepdad."

"As someone who's had several "dads", I'm sure I can handle whoever you throw at me."

"Okay, see, I don't want "handle". I want us to be a team. The two of us until it's the four of us."

"Spence, I'm not even interested in dating. Why are we discussing this?"

"I like to be prepared, and when you're not looking, romance happens." She shrugged a shoulder, and he outright laughed at her. "Shut up." She flicked a piece of lettuce at his face.

"Wow, real mature, Hastings."

"Just eat your food."

They finished up their lunch and cleaned up the dishes, folding them carefully and placing them into the trash. Caleb offered her a refill, which she accepted, and they headed to the living room with a box cutter and no idea where to start.

"How about with some music?" Caleb held his phone up.

"Yes." She grinned around a drink of wine. "That's the perfect place to start."

He turned on some tunes, Spencer abandoned her glass for a box marked living room, and Caleb tried to figure out where in hell his belongings were going to hang and/rest. There were built-in shelves along the diving wall between the living room and the kitchen, and he started to see how certain items would look where, and he smiled to himself—then realized he had to find them, dust them off if needed and put them where he'd pictured. He groaned inwardly.

Spencer discarded her shoes and unpacked throw pillows that reeked of ex-girlfriend. Toby's, not Caleb's. Hanna had better taste than tassels and plaid. She couldn't help but smirk at the sight of them, feeling Toby's energy on them and just knowing Benji would claim them the minute he saw them. He loved him some Uncle Toby. He was the only father Benji had known for three years, so Caleb did have shoes to fill, even if he didn't know it.

* * *

They had unpacked about four boxes—Spencer was working on décor while Caleb filled the bookshelves—when a knock on the door and a photo text to Spencer's phone of Alicia and Ben smiling outside the door. She laughed and jogged over to answer it. Caleb leaned back to see who this babysitter was and narrowed his eyes at her hair.

She wasn't at all who he thought Spencer would have picked out to babysit their kid, but there she was. All 5'6 of her with bleach blonde hair, bright purple contacts over blue eyes, tights with shorts and a sleeveless vest. Sun-kissed and bubbly from her grin and hand motions. There were a couple piercings and tattoos he saw, and he was stunned now that Mr. or Mrs. Hastings hadn't come chasing her off.

"Thank you so much for bringing him over." Spencer let him into the apartment to roam, calling in to let Caleb know Benji was in the apartment and to keep an eye on him and the stairs.

"Could I meet Caleb?" Alicia inquired. "I'd like to know the new man in Benji's life."

She chuckled. "Come on in."

Caleb placed his C plus plus book down and offered a welcoming smile to the woman entering his apartment. "Hello."

"Hey." Alicia walked right up to him and grabbed his hand. "Alicia Downs, Benny's babysitter."

"Benny?" He shook her hand.

"Benny, Benji, Ben—aren't they all nickname?" She showed a perfect smile. "And you're the illusive father. It's nice to finally meet you, Caleb…right?"

"Yeah, it's Caleb."

Spencer crossed her arms and stood between them. "Where's Ben?"

"Right here." He popped up from the couch. "Mommy, this is so cool! C'mere!"

"Hold on, baby." She turned to Alicia. "I will write you out a check. Give me just a second." She went to retrieve her purse.

Alicia released Caleb's hand and tilted her head at him. "So, you're a computer man?"

He glanced at the C plus plus book. "I was practically born with a mouse in my head. What can I say?"

"Benji has your love of computers. He's always trying to get my phone and tinker with it. He'll be a handful when he's old enough to use tools."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep." She smacked her lips. "Are you staying this time? Because if you have any intentions of hurting that boy or Spencer, I will personally castrate you."

He laughed dryly. "H—how old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one and training to be a nurse, so believe me, I know how to hurt you without leaving a mark." She smiled sweetly. "Are we clear?"

"Here I thought Emily would be the only one to threaten me."

"Nope. You should know, I am all about single mother's, having come from one myself, so I know how to pick up broken pieces, just don't make me." She glanced over as Spencer entered the room. "And we had a great time today. We went to the park with Bastian after lunch, and Benny helped me with some advanced math."

"Math?" Spencer handed over the check. "Wow. First, you're teaching him Latin and now math? I should pay you more."

"I wouldn't say no." She laughed lightly and waved. "I have to pick up Bastian, but I'll see you guys later. Bye, Benny!"

"Bye, Cia!" He waved back.

She left the apartment and glanced back at the door number, checking her phone at the picture she'd taken with Benji to ensure the number was in the picture. She wanted to be sure she could find if she needed to. Say, if he hurt Spencer or Benji emotionally by bailing or simply bowing out rudely. No one hurt her family and lived with both kneecaps in place.

"Why do I feel like I've been targeted by a member of the Italian mob?" Caleb muttered to Spencer.

"And that's different from the Irish mob?" She laughed at him. "Calm down. She's just a kid."

"She threatened to kick my ass if I hurt you."

"Aww, think she meant it?"

"Spencer."

"What? I was joking." She pointed to the couch. "Our son wants us to check something out, so c'mon, you spaz."

"He just asked for you."

"Me means us now, c'mon." She grasped his hand and hauled him over to the couch, plopping down carefully and feeling it had a temperature to it. "Whoa, what is that?"

"Right?" Ben grinned.

"Does it vibrate?" She took the small remote from him and found a vibration setting. "I may be in love."

"Hey, hold my hand, too." Benji grasped her hand at the remove and sat closer to her, eyeing Caleb for a moment.

"What is it, baby?" Spencer caught the eyeing and decided to intervene. "Is something wrong?"

"I farted," he whispered.

Spencer busted out laughing, not having expected that answer, and Caleb caught a whiff of the mentioned fart. He shook his head and realized this was his life now. At the sight of Spencer laughing and Ben looking away like he hadn't done anything, he was fine with it.


End file.
